


Deserving?

by Anemic_Royalty



Category: Doki Doki Literature Club! (Visual Novel)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Cuddling & Snuggling, Doki Doki, F/F, Falling In Love, Fluff and Angst, Gentle Kissing, Girls Kissing, Hurt/Comfort, Inspired by Doki Doki Literature Club!, Love Confessions, Romance, Suicidal Thoughts, Surprise Kissing, Teen Angst, Teen Romance, Yuri
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-15
Updated: 2020-12-31
Packaged: 2021-03-06 18:46:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 8
Words: 28,385
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26473609
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anemic_Royalty/pseuds/Anemic_Royalty
Summary: Monika has been beyond stressed, if it isn't her unrealistic amount of homework, or her parents pressuring her, it's the universe slapping her upside the head. But, has she found her antidote in the happy-go-lucky girl Sayori? And what path will she be lead if she pursues said antidote? Only time will tell. Sayori x Monika.
Relationships: Monika/Sayori (Doki Doki Literature Club!), Natsuki/Yuri (Doki Doki Literature Club!)
Comments: 22
Kudos: 124





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I know I know, DDLC is dead, and it's been dead. But, I have been a fan of the game since it has came out, and I'm not one to drop my fandom so quickly. So, I decided to, in this time of boredom, to write a nice DDLC fanfiction! I'm purely doing this for the enjoyment of writing and my love for DDLC, regardless of how this is received by you guys, I will continue to post. Now, I'll stop rambling! Let's start!

Monika sat at her desk, her hand gripping her now matted hair, her opposite hand gripping a pencil viciously, her knuckles fading into a light shade of white, which was reminiscent of the white hot rage she was experiencing. Her teacher, being the absolutely lovable peach she is, decided to force feed her 5 assignments in which she knew hardly anything about, due to her week and a half long absence due to family matters. She breathed in through her nose, and out her mouth as she let go of her hair, trying to force herself to relax.

She listened to the wind blowing in from the cracked open windows, the light fluttering of the red drapes. Feeling the warmth of the iridescent sunlight, which peeked it's beautiful rays into the classroom, on her pale skin. Letting go of the pencil and leaning back into her chair, she sighed, her shoulders relaxing, relieving the tension in her back and neck. She started feeling the stress beginning to go away. It was almost pure bliss.

"MONIKAAAAAAAA!" A high pitched voice screamed at the top of their lungs, causing Monika to jump from her chair, yelping in surprise as she falls from her seat and onto the floor, her previous state of relaxation had seemed to abdicate her mind, only to be usurped by her previous state of stress.

Sitting there on the floor, being supported by her arms, her knees pulled up, she looked to the doorway and frowned. "Sayori, haven't I told you at least, I don't know, 100 times to NOT scream at me? Especially when I'm obviously trying to concentrate on other things?!" She snapped, standing up and dusting off her skirt, an irritated look on her face.

"I... I'm sorry..." Sayori mumbled, her body language changing from one of joy to one of guilt and sadness. "I won't do it again Monika..." She apologized, her eyes down.

Before Monika could respond she was interrupted by another equally pitched voice, "To be fair Monika, you weren't exactly concentrating on anything. Actually, it more or less looked like you were napping."

"I... If anything Natsuki that gives Monika even more of a reason to be upset, I imagine being jolted awake by a sudden loud noise has to be a rather unpleasant experience," A more methodical, timid voice chimed in.

"Oh butt out of it Yuri, she still shouldn't have snapped at Sayori like that, regardless if she was actually concentrating on something or if she was being a lazy bum!"

"Natsuki you should be nicer wh-"

"Enough, you two. It's been 2 minutes and you two are already bickering about mindless nonsense, now, let me handle the situation how I deem fit, and you two can go learn how to get along," Monika interrupted, rubbing her temple with her thumb and index finger. The two girls looked at each other, grumbled, and went their separate ways.

Monika looked over at Sayori and sighed, walking over to her and putting a hand on her shoulder, "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have snapped at you so cruelly, could you forgive me for my hostility?" She asked, her tone now soft and apologetic.

Sayori looked up at her, blinked, and nodded, a small smile on her face, "Yeah, I'll forgive you," She crossed her arms, her smile turning into a devilish smirk, "if you buy me a chocolate chip cookie from the vending machine!" She stated triumphantly.

Monika looked at her blankly for a moment before frowning, standing up straight and crossing her arms, "No." She said sternly.

"B-But... Monika..." Sayori pouted, looking up at her with puppy dog eyes, her bottom lip quivering ever so slightly.

"You have got to be... I already said..." She looked down at her and her heart just couldn't take the level of cuteness the coral haired girl was putting off, "Damn it... I guess I'll buy you a cookie..." She sighed, defeated.

"YAY!" She exclaimed, quickly dropping the act and pumping her fist up in the air, a huge smile on her face.

"You are shameless..." Monika shook her head and pulled out her coin purse from her binder and walked out of the classroom.

As she walked down the empty corridors, she used the time to think in the silence it offered, the only sound being the click of her heels on the white linoleum floor, and the sound of the wind blowing in from the opened windows.

Why was she doing this for Sayori? She knew she had enough money to buy herself one, it's Tuesday and she always gets her allowance on Monday. Not to mention she's running short on allowance money herself. She sighed and straightened out her long chestnut brown hair with her hand, knowing it was nothing short of a disgraceful mess that barely passed as socially acceptable in a public area.

She shook her head and walked down the stairs and up to the vending machine, pulling out a few coins and placing them in the slot, and pressing the correct buttons the correlated with the cookie Sayori wanted.

As the spring unlatched the item fell on top of another spring, lodging itself into it, in turn not reaching an area the Monika could reach. "You have got to be kidding me," She seethed under her breath, her patience meter was already almost over the edge, now it may as well be the second coming Pompeii.

She felt the need to grab the nearest trashcan and launch it full force at the machine, but, stifling her violent urge to harm an inanimate object, she instead waited for a janitor to walk by.

After what seemed like forever, she heard the wheels of a bucket coming down the hall and rushed over to the janitor, explaining the situation in a faked cheery tone, watching as he shuffled through his keys and unlocked the machine's door, grabbing the cookie and closing the door he handed it to her.

"Thank you," She sighed, rubbing her temple once more as the man rolled his bucket and mop down the hallway once more. She really, really hated today.

She made it back up to the classroom, meeting the eyes of her fellow club members, "Did you get lost or something?" Natsuki asked in her normal sarcastic and attitude filled voice.

"You did take an awfully long time, Sayori was about to go looking for you," Yuri said, looking up from her book, her eyes going from Monika to a worried looking Sayori.

"Monika!" She said and ran at her, almost tackling her as she wrapped her small arms around Monika's body, "Don't scare me like that! I thought you hurt yourself or something bad happened!" She exclaimed, holding her tightly.

Even though she wanted to just scream and act violently upon the nearest objects that were just light enough to be thrown out of a window and be ultimately smashed on it's impact with the pavement, Monika felt her body relax a little, and patted the shorter girls head, "Sorry, I didn't mean to make you worry, there were just some minor complications that delayed me from getting you this," She whispered, putting the cookie on top of the other girls head.

"Eh?" She exclaimed, pulling away in confusion, jumping when she heard the foil wrapping hit the floor. Her mood instantly changed as she excitedly grabbed the cookie from the ground, annihilating what was once the wrapper and tossing it aside. She took a bite and smiled, "Sho Yhummy!"

"Don't talk with your mouth full, silly," Monika giggled and sighed, feeling a bit of warmth in her heart as she watched the girl enjoy her sugary snack.

She walked back to the desk at the front of the classroom, sitting down and picking up her pencil, "Everyone! Attention please!" She said, everyone turning their heads to face her from different parts of the classroom, "Today is Tuesday, so as you all know it's an open read and write day, but remember tomorrow is poem sharing day along with a club meeting regarding the festival next Monday, and of course text the group chat if you have any thoughts, questions, or concerns you may have regarding the festival. And I think that's it, you may go back to whatever it is you're doing. I'm going to try to pass my calculus class, even though I would have a better chance discovering the existence of interbreeding between unicorns and alligators on Mars," She announced, everyone nodding and giggling at the last part before returning to their previous activities.

Monika exhaled through her nose and grabbed one of the sheets and started examining it, scribbling a few things down.

"What are you doing?" Sayori asked, peering over Monika's shoulder, causing Monika to make a scratch on her paper, she sighed, looking back at Sayori, "I'm doing my calculus homework."

Sayori nodded, her lips shaping into an "O" shape, looking down at her paper, a half-eaten cookie in her hand.

A few crumbs started dropping on Monika's paper and she looked back at Sayori, trying her best to stay level headed, "Do you need something Sayori? It's a little hard to concentrate with you hovering over me and crumbs falling on my paper," She said, trying to sound as nice as possible.

"Oh! I'm sorry, I didn't know I was bothering you. I was just really impressed... I couldn't imagine being in such a hard class, heck, I'm having trouble in my math class, and I'm behind most people in our class..." Sayori laughed, rubbing the back of her head.

"Oh, Sayori," Monika looked up at her and smiled, "Math is just like... Putting the pieces of a puzzle together, and once you know the pattern it's really easy, I just invest a lot of my time learning the patterns, probably an unhealthy amount of time..." She swiped the hair out of her face and looked back to her paper, "I'll talk to later Sayori, but right now I need to focus."

Sayori's smile wavered a bit, but she managed to keep it on as she nodded her head, "Of course. I understand Monika. I'll talk to you later then..." She sighed, defeated as she walked away from the desk.

Monika, being the soft soul she was, quickly felt guilty and looked up at her, "Sayori! Wait," She said, the girl turning her head back towards her, "You can call me later tonight, if you want, since I can't talk to you now I'd love to make up for it later!" She exclaimed, a smile plastered on her face, her emerald eyes sparkling.

"R-Really?! Yay!" She happily yelled out, putting her clasped together hands to her chest, a wide grin on her pale face, "I'd love too Monika! I'll call you around 7, okay?" She spat out quickly in an excited tone.

"Sounds great!" She replied, her heart jumping at the sight of Sayori being so happy

She suddenly became confused, why was she so excited to see Sayori happy? She was always happy, what is the difference between now and all the other times she smiling and jumping around? Was it because it involved herself? She shook her head and tucked her hair behind her ear, pushing the thoughts aside as she finished her work.

After what felt like only a few short minutes, it was time to pack up. The girls were grabbing their binders and shoving them into their bags, slinging them over their shoulders, exchanging goodbyes. Monika looked down at her one almost finished paper and sighed audibly in frustration, shoving the papers into her own binder, zipping it up into her back and throwing it onto her back.

She said goodbye to the girls, and started walking out the door, "Remember to call me tonight Sayori!" She said before she walked out of the room.

"Of course! How could I possibly forget?" She replied in a cheery tone, bringing a light smile onto Monika's face.

Well, at least she had something to look forward to tonight, she thought as she walked out of the school.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I hope you all enjoyed the last chapter, and I thank you dearly for taking the time to read it. I won't talk too long right now, mostly because I am expecting myself to make this quite a big longer than the first chapter, mostly because I don't have an excuse to make it as short as I did the last one. Anywho! I hope you enjoy chapter 2 of "Deserving?"

Warmth. If the sunlight provided anything, it was definitely warmth. The wind chilled Monika to the bone on the chilly fall day, but, luckily the sun was out, shining all it's warm and heavensent rays unto her cold and pale skin. She looked around, the colorful leaves dropping from their respective trees, the wind blowing them around in a whirlwind, running along the sidewalk and spreading into the connecting yards of people whom were much warmer and comfortable than Monika was, as she was walking home in a skirt and blazer with a not so light backpack weighing down on her, causing her more back pain than she already had.

She sighed, she didn't expect much else but the worst as this point. Have heaven and hell decided to conspire against her? Has the wrath of God and Lucifer finally been unleashed on her? She knew she was exaggerating, and was only making everything worse in her head, but even so, she couldn't rationalize that everything had been going fine for her, she bit her lip. Just keep smiling, everything will be okay. Fake it till you make it, right? She thought in her head, and breathed deeply as she reached her neighborhood.

She walked up to the walkway to her rather large house, not something extravagant or anything as grand as a mansion, but it was of fairly large height at three stories, with a nice white picket fence surrounding the perfectly kept grass, allowing the bright white paint to be fully exposed to the eyes of those who walked past. Windows were symmetrically placed on both sides of the rectangle shaped home, allowing for a more pleasing view. The walkway to her home was surrounded by orchids and roses, her and her mother's favorite flowers they had decided to plant when Minori still lived with them.

Minori She scowled as she thought of her sisters name. She didn't hate her sister by any means, in fact, she was incredibly sweet and nice to not only Monika, but to everyone. She helped everyone in need, regardless of if the person was a stranger, a classmate, or a street bum. She took that caring so far, she got a scholarship to Medical school so she could be a doctor like her mom. No normal person with a heart that isn't made out of pure steel could hate Minori.

But, it wasn't Minori herself that made Monika scowl, no, it was her parents infatuation with Monika being just like Minori. She constantly heard "Your sister passed that class with ease, why can't you?" and her oh so favorite, "Your sister could have passed that test flawlessly." It pissed her off so believably so.

But... Maybe it wasn't her parents part in it that pissed her off, perhaps she was more upset with herself for conforming to what her parents believed she should be. That she should be just like her sister, the perfect daughter they could be proud of.

She was jealous of Minori. And she had come to terms with that. But it still doesn't mean she can't be pissed off by it.

Monika shook her head and opened up the gate and closed it behind her, walking up to the door and removing her shoes before grabbing onto the silver colored knob and opening up the heavy dark wooden door. She stepped inside and looked around, it was quiet, as usual. She plopped her stuff right by the door, making a mental note to pick it up later less she wanted to be scolded by her parents for being lazy.

She made her way to the kitchen and went straight to the counter, looking at the note she already knew was going to be there. She picked it up and scanned it, reading it aloud, "Monika, your mother and I are expecting to be working late tonight, remember to sweep the bottom floor and clean your room. Also, please get your Latin grade up, it is unacceptable for any grade to be that low, regardless of it being a core class or not. There will be punishment if it is not. There is food in the fridge or you may order food if you prefer to do so. Goodnight dearest, and I'll hopefully see you tomorrow. Love, Dad."

She scrunched up her nose and crumpled up the note, tossing it into the trash. Only her parents would say a 85 percent in a class is absolutely unacceptable, even if it's a class as stupid and useless as Latin. Please, tell me what am I ever going to use Latin for in real life? Am I going to go to an ancient Roman monastery and meet a ghost who only speaks in Latin? Is that what they are preparing us for? She thought in her head, audibly groaning as she walked to the cleaning cabinet grabbing the broom and starting on her chores.

After about an hour and a half of her cleaning chores, she grabbed her backpack and dragged herself upstairs, mentally scolding herself for not taking it up there when she went to clean her room. She made it to the second floor and opened her door, closing it behind her and sitting her stuff on her desk, her room was a nice size, but the design was pretty basic, her walls were painted a baby blue, dark stained hardwood floors she hated, seeing how cold they got at night, always makinf her second guess if she should get up and relieve herself at night. Her bed was pretty bland, as well. A king sized with black sheets and a white blanket that was extremely comfortable. Her walls were decorated with white ribbons that matched her blanket and a singular picture of the first day of the literature club. She smiled as she looked at it, Sayori's everlasting bright smile, her own confident smirk, Yuri smiling sheepishly, her hands clasped at her waist, and Natsuki, who didn't want to be in the photo at all, crossing her arms and pouting, looking away from the camera. She never would admit this to anyone else, but the Literature Club was one of the only places she felt most at peace, even today, when she was stressed out of her mind. She couldn't imagine life without it... Snapping out of it and looking at the clock, 5:32 P.M. it read in big red numbers. She inhaled deeply, and blew hard out of her nose, she could feel a headache already coming on and she hadn't even started on her homework yet.

She broke out her assignments and started scribbling down answers on them, using her phone as a calculator, and using other papers as references. If someone walked in, they would probably assume she was trying to solve the exact calculations of how to land a turkey on the moon using only a ladle and a singular rubber band, with the amount of paper spread on her bed and the frantic scribbling.

She didn't realize how much time has passed until she felt her stomach grumble, and she rubbed her stomach. She was probably just going to eat some leftover ramen from a few nights ago. She looked down at her third paper she was to work on, and sighed. "One more question, then I'm done for the night. I can't handle anymore of this," She muttered to herself, working out the problem. As she went to her phone to use as a calculator, she was startled by the sudden loud ringing and vibration, she barely could read the name of the caller before she clicked on the 'Decline call' button which was conveniently where her 'equals' button was supposed to be.

Quickly, she went to her call logs and saw her latest call, "Oh no! That's right, Sayori was supposed to call me!" She frantically burst out, quickly tapping on her name and calling her back, hoping to God she would pick up and not be mad at her.

Almost instantly, though, Sayori answered, and before Monika could let out a breath of relief, Sayori yelled, "MONNNNNIIIIIKKKKAAAAAAAAAA!"

Monika instantly pulled her head away, wincing from the sudden loud noise being thrusted into her ear, she put it back to her ear and snickered a little, "Hey there dummy, you know you don't have to scream at me, right? I'm not 10 kilometres away from the phone, silly," She replied in a cool, calm voice. A stark contrast in the mood she was currently feeling.

"I know! But like, you hung up and I was afraid you were busy, so when you called me back I got really excited and I just couldn't help myself!" She exclaimed happily. Monika could practically hear her smiling from the other side of the phone.

"Yeah... Sorry about that, I was using my phone as a calculator and you called when I was mid-problem. You know I wouldn't ignore your call like that on purpose!" She says, a smirk on her face. Damn, even when I can't see her... She can make me smile. She thought, shaking her head.

"I know! But I was still worried. I was really excited for this, you know?" She replied, making Monika's heart palpitate unnaturally. She suddenly felt... Very special. That her, a girl who is barely acceptable in the eyes of her parents, could make someone like Sayori, who is nothing but a ball of happiness and sunshine, feel excited and happy at the thought of mere conversation...

She snapped out of it and realized Sayori was talking about something, "Uh, what was that? Sorry I wasn't paying attention."

"Whaaaaa? Meanie!" Sayori accused in a huffy tone, causing Monika to roll her eyes playfully.

"Sorry sorry, I was putting papers up," She lied, not wanting to admit what she was really thinking about, "What were you saying now?"

"Well, first of I just HAVE to tell you what happened this morning..."

Monika listened to Sayori talk, no, ramble on about her day, how she burnt up her breakfast bacon, how she was late to her first period and the teacher was mean to her, how she almost dropped her food on someone at lunch, how she ran into someone's locker because she was spacing out while she was walking and that it left a small mark on her forehead that still hurt to touch.

And the whole time, not once did Monika want her to finish talking. After every small story about her day, Monika was hoping to hear another one, regardless of how silly they were. She even enticed her to talk more, by saying things like, "Oh yeah? Did you know who it was?" or "Could you tell me more about it?" Stuff like that. She just... Felt way more at ease when she heard Sayori's voice in such a bright tone. Her sleeping patterns would definitely be 10 times better if Sayori read her bedtime stories...

She slapped those thoughts out of her head and coughed into her hand (better do that in your elbow you peeps =D) thinking of what to say next, "So, what are you up to now Yo-Yo?" She asked, smirking at the nickname she had just decided to give to her.

"Oh, I'm just working on some Japanese pap- Wait did you just... DID YOU JUST GIVE ME A CUTE NICKNAME?!" She screamed in both surprise and excitement, "No one has ever given me a nickname before!" She exclaimed, quieting down just a little.

Monika held the phone away from her ear a little, but she could feel her face contort into a wide smile as she heard the joy in Sayori's voice. Pressing the phone back to her ear, she said, "Well, you best get used to it!"

After a bit of giggling between the two, Monika cleared her throat, "So... Were you going to say you are doing an Japanese paper?" She inquired, a bit curious, and a bit surprised Sayori was doing homework.

"Mhm! It's a persuasive essay!" She said in a cheery tone.

"Oh? What's the topic?"

"The most obvious thing, like, ever!" Sayori exclaimed excitedly, "The cafeteria should provide free all you can eat cupcakes daily!"

Monika facepalmed almost instantly, she couldn't even be surprised, this was Sayori after-all.

"You know... If they did that, you would probably end up eating all of them, knowing you and your bottomless pit you call a stomach."

"B-But..." She stammered, "That's why it's all you can eat..." She whined, enticing a giggle out of Monika.

"You're so silly sometimes..." She commented through her giggle fit. She breathed a little and calmed down, "So, how come you're doing homework so late at night? I always had you figured as someone who would be playing video games or watching TV at this time instead of doing homework," Monika said, a bit accusingly, but trying to show she was being playful.

Sayori giggled, "Well, that's usually what I do!" She exclaimed, causing Monika to roll her eyes, "But, tonight was different, I guess."

"Different how?" Monika asked, raising a brow in confusion.

"Well... I saw how hard you were working today... And it made me want to work hard too..." Sayori said sheepishly, laughing slightly.

Monika opened her mouth to speak, but instantly closed it as she felt her stomach flutter. Did... Did her actions really influence her to be productive? Did... Did she really have that influence on people?

"Speaking of today..." Sayori said, her tone shifting into a more serious tone, which was strange to the emerald eyed girl, who hardly ever heard Sayori talk in a serious manner, "You seemed really stressed out today... Are you okay?" She asked, a hint of worry in her voice.

Monika felt everything slow down, as she looked down at her crossed legs. Are you okay. God when was the last time someone had said those words to her... Has anyone ever asked her that question...?

"I..." She didn't know how to respond, when people asked 'How are you?' it was merely a formality, and the expected response is always 'good' or 'well' as to not put the opposite person in an uncomfortable position they didn't ask to be in. But... When someone asks 'Are you okay?' it meant they actually cared about what you felt, and were prepared to be in an uncomfortable situation.

"I... To be honest, I'm... Really stressed out. I have a ton of assignments to do, I need to get my grade up in a few classes I'm struggling in, and my parents are really on my back to make sure I do..." She confessed in a soft voice, sighing and hanging her head.

Sayori was quiet a moment, and Monika panicked, thinking she just ruined the wholesome and cute conversation they were having by throwing in her stress anchor. Of course, she always was a disappointment... "Well... I think you'll be fine," Sayori said after a few moments of silence, "you're Monika after all! You're like, the bestest most awesomest person like, in the whole world, you'll find a way to get through it and it'll be super duper awesome!" She exclaimed confidently, causing Monika to widen her eyes in a slight moment of shock.

"Sayori... I... I'm really not even close to the best person you know, let alone the best in th-"

"Well I think you are! I don't care what you believe, I think you are the bestest most awesomest person ever and you can't change my mind!" She said defiantly.

Monika didn't know how to process this in the slightest. She was so not used to this level of positive reinforcement, hell, she isn't even used to getting compliments that weren't just fake B.S. from equally fake people.

"Do... Do you really mean that?" She asked slowly, biting her lip.

"Of course I do, silly!"

Monika felt her cheeks flare and heat up, and thanked the heavens that Sayori was on the phone and not in front of her, "T-Thank you Sayori... I think you're pretty awesome too..." She replied sheepishly.

Before either of them could reply, Monika felt her stomach rumble, she looked at the clock and jumped, "Holy crap! It's 8:30 and I haven't eat dinner yet!" She exclaimed, rubbing her hunger filled stomach.

"Monika! That's super irresponsible to wait this long to eat!" Sayori scolded, "Why haven't your parents called you down for dinner anyway?" She inquired, a bit confused.

"Ah, that's because they are working until really late tonight," Monika replied, lacking much emotion.

"Oh? What do they do?"

"Uh, my dad is an architect and my mom is an ICU doctor," Monika replied getting up and heading downstairs to the kitchen, "So they are often at work until really late, I usually only see them in the mornings during the week."

"Oh wow! You're parents are soooooo cool!" Sayori exclaimed, "My parents are both accountants, heh heh..."

Monika rolled her eyes and opened the fridge, scanning for the takeout box with her dinner inside.

"I bet it gets lonely, doesn't it?" Sayori commented after a few seconds of silence, a bit of sorrow in her voice.

"Ah... Well, it does sometimes, I guess. But it's nice to have the house to myself sometimes..." She trailed off, finding the takeout box and pulling it out of the fridge and closing the door, walking to the microwave.

"You know, if you want, when you start feeling lonely or whatnot... You can call me!" Sayori replied, making Monika stop what she was doing. She is getting these weird feelings way too much for her liking today...

"Okay, but that goes for you too. When you feel lonely, don't be afraid to call me either Sayori, I won't reject your call short of when my parents are talking to me," She replied, a smile on her face, which may have been a bit too big in her opinion.

"It's a deal!" Sayori said, giggling on the other side of the phone.

Monika put her dinner into the microwave and pushed some buttons and watched as it came to live, making it's ever so famous annoying noise and spinning her takeout box in a circle. She frowned, realizing she had to end the conversation between her and Sayori. Which, made her a bit more sad than she expected. "Hey, uh Sayori. I need to eat... So I think I should probably go..." She said in a weak voice. Screaming at herself internally to stop sounding like a kicked puppy.

"Oh..." Sayori said, sounds equally as sad as Monika, "Well, that's okay. Us girls need to eat!" She exclaimed, causing Monika to smile and roll her eyes.

"You more than I, if we are being honest."

"Oh hush it!" She giggled, sighing, "I'll talk to you tomorrow, right Monika?" She asked, her voice softening a bit.

"Yeah, of course dummy. That way I get to call you Yo-Yo to your face," They both giggled at that, smiling to themselves.

"I'm looking forward to it! Byeeeee!"

"Bye!" Monika replied, before hearing the 'click' of Sayori hanging up, just as the microwave screamed at her that her food was finished.

She took it out of the microwave and grabbed a fork, walking to the dining room and laying her food down on the table. Grabbing a match from the center of the table she walked over to one of the cabinets, opening it and exposing shelves full of different colored and scented candles. She grabbed one and looked at it. It was blue and the description stated it smelled like morning rain. She shrugged and closed the doors, walking back to the table, lighting the match and setting the wick on fire, laying it down a few centimeters away from her and her food, before sitting down and eating her food in silence.

After eating she walked up to the bathroom, closing the door behind her she went to the sink and looked at the mirror. She touched her pale cheek, running her fingers down to her rose colored lips, tracing them down to her collarbone. She sighed. She hated the way she looked. She looked like a disappointment, which was fitting to her. Her eyes weren't vibrant enough, her cheeks didn't have enough color, her collarbone protruded too much. Compared to her sister, she was an abomination.

She let her hair down and took her bow off, looking at the mangled mess on top of her head, running her fingers through the smooth locks, wincing as she ran through some knots and tangles. She looked away from the mirror, not wanting to look at her face any longer, and started up the faucet, letting the water warm up while she undressed. She threw her clothes in the clothes bin and set the water to 'shower mode' and stepped in.

She looked up at the shower head and let the water run down her face, her hair, her neck, and she closed her eyes.

Even though she wanted to cry and scream, she couldn't bring herself to. She just... Thought of Sayori, and that instantly calmed her down. She didn't know why, or how the mere thought of her and her beautiful sea blue eyes just made her feel... Okay again.

She didn't know hoe she affected her so much, but she did know that she didn't deserve to have a friend like Sayori Takahashi, not in the slightest.

Monika finished her shower in silence, trying her best not to stress over everything going on in her life, trying not to remember how much of a disappointment she was. Trying not to think at all.

She stepped out of the shower, and dried off, brushing her hair out so that was at least straight for the time being. She would probably have to wake up a bit earlier than usual tomorrow and run a straight iron through it so it didn't look like even more of an abomination than it already was.

Walking into her room, she gathered all her papers and shoved them into her binder, throwing it at her bag in the corner, making up her mind that she would pick it up when she woke up tomorrow. She went to her dresser and opened up the bottom drawer and pulled out a green nightgown, throwing it on over her undergarments, she closed the drawer and shut off her light.

Climbing into bed, she threw her covers over her and snuggled into her pillow. She sighed, and closed her eyes. It was a bit early, only being 9:45 ish, but she was just... Tired. Mentally, that is. She just needed the sweet embrace of sleep right now.

But, after a while of tossing and turning, she sat up, groaning.

"Damn it... I can't sleep..." She grumbled, thinking for a moment before she felt her cheeks start burning up.

"I'll just... Think about Sayori... Maybe that'll help me sleep..." She muttered to herself before laying back down, filling her thoughts of Sayori and her nice and kind words.

And sure enough, she slowly drifted off to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! I'm glad you made it this far! I hope you enjoyed the chapter enough that you wanna read the next one! Ew, that sounds really cheesy. Anywho, thank you for reading, you spending your time to read my content makes my day that much better. Please, comment if you have any thoughts, questions, or concerns. Or even if you want to just compliment me, or roast me, whatever makes you feel best I guess! Anywho, have a nice day/night and I'll see you later! (expect next chapter to be out tomorrow or Thursday)


	3. Chapter 3

Monika looked around the lunchroom, and sighed quietly to herself. She looked at the normal table she sat at, filled with all of her "friends." frowning at the thought of considering them anything more than acquaintances, and that was pushing it. She hated their self-absorbed and petty personalities, with their minds only thinking about what makeup they should wear, and what boys they should fawn over. It disgusted her, how fake they were.

Perhaps the disgusting part, wasn't them. But that Monika chose to align herself with such disgraceful human beings. But, no matter how many times she tried to politely get rid of them, they always came back to her. Because she was their so called 'best friend.' Sure, it's not because her family has money or anything like that, that is ridiculous.

She rolled her eyes and walked to the back of the crowded and bumbling cafeteria, sighing as she plopped her binder down on an empty table, away from most of the other kids at lunch. She was fairly certain none of the people she usually ate with would notice her absence. She leaned back into her chair and looked at the ceiling, her eyes fixated on the lines separating the squares.

Nobody had talked to her today, not even a hello. Of course. She thought, frowning, No one wants to talk to me unless I engage in conversation with them, so they can ensure they stay friends with the "rich girl" She felt her fist clinch, her chest tighten, her vision becoming blurry.

Damn it Monika, stop it, don't you dare. Don't you dare break down right now. She screamed at herself in her head. She knew she wasn't anything besides a pawn to those who claim to be her friend, a way to boost their own social status, so why was she getting so upset right now? She closed her eyes, and breathed in deeply, exhaling audibly.

Today had already been worse than yesterday, mostly because she had the pleasure of talking to her parents.

"You're up later than usual, Monika, what did I tell you about being so lazy?" Her mother said in a condescending tone, not bothering to look at Monika while she spoke to her.

"Y-Yes... Forgive me, mother. I was irresponsible." She replied in a weak voice, her hands clasped together in her lap, standing straight with her head down, staring at the kitchen floor.

"While we have time," Her father walked in from the living room, dressed in a navy blue suit with a red tie, "We need to talk about your grades, young lady."

Monika felt her heart plummet, she nodded quietly and shuffled over to the table, laying her school bag on the ground next to her, slowly sitting down, her hands laying on her lap, biting her lower lip and watching her father take a seat in front of her, looking at her.

"You have 2 grades that are too low, and 1 that is an utter disgrace to the Nakamara name. You better start explaining, fast," He said, in a cold, intimidating tone.

"W-W-Well... I-I uh... M-My calculus grade is l-low because of us h-having to leave... M-My advanced physics class is low b-because sensei h-hasn't graded my research paper yet. A-And as for my Latin... I-I just... I-I don't..." She struggled to talk, it was like a 100 kilogram weight was laid on her chest.

"You don't what? I don't have all morning to listen to you babble, Monika. Speak!" He growled, getting irritated, his brow furrowing in what seemed like frustration.

Monika shivered at her Dad's assertive, scary tone, holding her hands tightly as to stop them from shaking, "I-I don't... Understand it very well..." She finally whispered, dropping her head, squeezing her eyes shut. Don't yell, don't yell, don't yell... She pleaded in her head. She knew her father would never hurt her, but... She couldn't stand being yelled at.

Her father stayed quiet for a moment, looking at her with cold, unforgiving eyes. "So, you're telling me your sister can pass Latin with an almost perfect grade, with no complications, but you have to make up excuses as to why your grade is so disgustingly low? How am I supposed to respond to that, Monika? Do you think that that is acceptable? Do you think it's okay for your grade to be that low?" He asked, in a monotone, disappointed voice.

Monika felt her eyes well up. She wished he yelled now, instead of him making her feel so stupid and worthless...

She shot up from her seat, grabbing her bag, holding back tears, "I-I'm sorry for being such a disappointing and worthless daughter, I promise I will try to be better, I will do better... I..." She stopped talking, slinging her bag over her shoulder and running out of her home, slamming the door behind her.

She opened her eyes and looked back at everyone eating, laughing, talking, and laughed darkly to herself, shaking her head and putting her face in her hands. She just wanted everything to be simple... To be better...

"Monika?" A familiar voice asked, not that far away from Monika. She looked to her side, her eyes widening slightly, "Are you okay? You look a little upset..." Sayori said, her sea blue eyes filled with worry as she put her lunch tray on the table and sat down next to her.

"S-Sayori?" She asked, bewildered at the sight of her coral haired friend, "You eat at this lunch? Since when?" She asked, never once noticing the girl eating at the same time as her.

"Oh! That's because I sit back here by myself!" She exclaimed, a bit too excitedly for such a sad comment.

"I-I... I'm sorry, if I would have saw you, I would have sat with you a lot sooner, forgive me, Sayori," She responded, looking at her apologetically.

"Oh jeez, I don't care about that! Dummy, I want to know what's up with you! You look really... Out of it today. You're even sitting by yourself, why aren't you sitting over there with your friends like you normally do?" She inquired, pointing the table Monika looked at earlier, causing her to snicker.

"Oh, trust me, they are not my friends. Just... People I hang out with, I guess," She responded, crossing her arms and resting them on the table.

Sayori looked up at her, with almost sad looking eyes, "A-Am... Am I just someone you hang out with...?" She asked, biting her lip, "N-No! Forget I said that! This is about you, not about me!" She quickly stated, putting back on her large smile.

"Oh, come on," Monika rolled her eyes, turning her body toward her, her own large smile plastered on her face, "You're one of the only people in my life I consider special, so not only are you my friend," She booped her nose, giggling, "You're one of my best friends!" She exclaimed, feeling her previous emotions and thoughts of her parents aside.

"D-Did... D-Did you just..." She looked at Monika, a baffled expression on her face, "Did you just boop me?!" She exclaimed, causing Monika to laugh.

"You... Are the most adorable thing I have ever seen, and I've seen a baby panda in person before," She said, smiling at her.

Sayori blushed a bright red, looking down at her feet, which were squirming around rather uncomfortably, "D-Don't say things like that... You'll make me all flustered..." She muttered underneath her voice, barely audible to Monika's ears.

Monika felt her own cheeks burn a little, and she sighed, patting her head, "Did you write a poem last night?" Monika asked, trying to change the subject.

Sayori instantly jumped up, her facial expression changing completely, "Yes! Yes I did!" She said in an accomplished tone, throwing her hand up in the sky as a sign of victory.

"Haha, that's good. I'm glad you're taking this seriously, Sayori. I was a little worried you weren't," Monika laughed a little, rubbing the back of her head, looking down at the girl next to her.

"Uuuuh!" Sayori pouted, looking at her with her cheeks puffed out, "I'm vice president... I have to take stuffs seriously..." She crossed her arms, looking away from her.

"Well, if it makes you feel any better, I passed out before I remembered to write mine last night, so I'll have to spend my Study Hall working on it," She responded, a bit confused by the girls sudden, but admittedly cute, actions.

"Wha-! How is that supposed to make me feel better?" She asked, puzzled by Monika's suggestion of it making her feel better.

"I... Honestly don't know myself, too be honest."

"Did you not write your poem last night because you were stressed?" Sayori asked, her voice getting a bit more serious, "Do... Do you want to talk about why you feel that way?"

"I- You... You want to know about my feelings...?" Monika asked, truly perplexed by the foreign concept Sayori has presented her with.

"Well, yeah, dummy. You're my friend, I want to know what's bothering you."

Monika inhaled shakily, "W-Well... Okay... But, can we talk about it in the club? Lunch period is almost over," She said, pointing at the clock.

"Sure," Sayori replied, looking down at her food, "I just want you to be happy, you know that right?" She asked, not looking at Monika.

This made Monika's heart palpitate, her cheeks redden, and her body freeze. "Sayori... I..." She was cut off by the bell that lunch was over, watching everyone get up from their seats.

"Oh! Guess time is up," She looked down at her tray and frowned, "Dang it... Well, hopefully my teacher won't mind me eating in class!" She exclaimed, grabbing her tray and standing up, "I'll see you at the club, okay?" She said, smiling.

"Of course, I look forward to it, Yo-Yo," She said, causing Sayori to blush like crazy.

"I-I... I really like it when you call me that..." Sayori mumbled before rushing off to her next class.

Monika watched her scurry off, clutching a spot of her uniform that rested above her heart. "The world needs more of you, Sayori..." She whispered, before standing up herself, and walking to her own class.

...

Monika heard the bell ring, and put down her pencil, looking at the notebook paper that laid neatly on her desk in front of her. She sighed, a little upset she didn't time to practice her piano lessons. But, it was her fault anyways, she should have written it last night, and she didn't. And she couldn't disappoint the club by not bringing one, so her hands were bound.

She studied the words on the paper, ignoring the sounds and movement around her, running her fingers along the etched in marks. She didn't know what to write about, and wasted a lot of her spare time trying to come up with anything.

That's when an idea crept into her mind, slowly crawling it's way into her brain and searing it's idea onto it. She would write about what has made her happy, and, of course, the only thing that has made her happy, is Sayori.

She cringed at her writing, reading it through, progressively disliking it more and more each time, but, she had to roll with it. She quickly tucked it away in her binder and gathered her stuff, which was laying neatly on the floor next to her, and quickly scurried out of the classroom, trying to not be the last one to class.

As she grew near the club room, she stopped at a window, less than 10 meters away from the doorway, and stared out of it. The sky was a brilliant blue, the dying leaves falling slowly to the ground, the wind carrying them throughout the school yard, the sun's glistening rays spreading all over the dying grass, allowing it some comfort in it's final days of life.

It kind of reminded her of her and Sayori. Her being the grass, and Sayori being the sun who provided her with light and warmth when she needed it most, when she was suffering, her sunshine would always be there through the cold, harsh days.

"It's pretty, isn't it?"

Monika jumped, snapping out of her trance, looking back at the source of the voice.

She smiled warmly, her body relaxing as her own emerald eyes met with the familiar warm sea blue eyes. "Yes, it is, Sayori. I've always enjoyed fall, the way the leaves turn so bright and colorful. It's just... Relaxing." She responded in a relaxed tone.

"I know, right?" Sayori responded, placing her hand on the glass, "It's... Comforting to see that there is beauty in pain," She said, causing Monika to raise her brow in a surprised manner.

"Wow, Sayori that's... Rather deep. I didn't expect to hear that from someone like you," She walked behind her and put her hand on her shoulder, "But, you are right. To see that even the darkest things, such as death and despair, there is always a side that comes out, bright and beautiful."

Sayori smiled sadly, looking back at Monika, "Bright and beautiful, huh?" She turned around to face Monika, looking up at her, "Kinda reminds me of this girl I know!" She exclaimed suddenly, booping Monika's nose and running off into the clubroom, leaving Monika a red mess.

"H-Hey! C-Come back here!" She yelled, running into the classroom after her.

...

They calmed down shortly there after, partly because of Natsuki and Yuri, well, mostly Natsuki, yelling at us to cut it out so they could read. Which, they respected. Monika walked to the teachers desk and sat down on the chair, resting back on it and looking up at the ceiling.

"That's the second time I've caught you staring at the ceiling, do you just really like ceilings?" Sayori inquired, standing over her, looking down.

Monika smiled up at her, sitting up and popping her shoulder and massaging her neck, "Nah, I just space out sometimes, you understand, don't you?" She responded, her voice soft.

"Mhm! I space out all the time!" Sayori exclaimed, probably too proud of that statement.

They stayed quiet for a moment, the memory of what they said they would talk about lingering in the back of their minds. "So..." Sayori said, grabbing a stool that was a little ways from the desk. "Do you... Still wanna talk?" She asked, placing the stool right next to her, slowly sitting down on it.

"Yeah, uh... Sure, I guess..." Monika looked down, she felt goosebumps prickle up on her arms and her neck. She was so not used to this, she didn't know what to say, or how to start, or where to start from. "I... I don't know what to say... Or where to begin..." She mumbled, her cheeks tinted pink in embarrassment.

"Hmm..." Sayori tapped her chin, "Okay, how about you start from when you first started feeling stressed, then we will go from there, does that sound okay?" Sayori asked, her hand now resting on Monika's thigh, her thumb running from side to side in an attempt to gift her comfort.

"I... Okay then..." Monika smiled, enjoying the feeling of her warm hand on her thigh. "Well, I guess we should start here..." She started from the beginning, when Minori moved away, when her parents began to ridicule her more, when they began demanding for her to do better, to be better. To how much homework she had been given, and how much of it she really didn't understand, to how much her parents kept using her sister as a comparison of what Monika isn't.

She pushed back tears while she spoke, trying to keep her cool in front of Sayori, she took a moment to breathe every few seconds, as to keep her composure. Much to her surprise, even though she thought what she was talking about was boring and taking too long, Sayori sat there quietly, nodding her head, keeping her eyes locked on Monika's, her thumb not stopping it's repetitive, soothing motion once.

After she was done, she looked down at Sayori's hand, and bit her lip, "I know... I'm probably being over dramatic, and I shouldn't be as stressed out as I am, and it's silly that I feel this way... But, even so, thank you for listening..." She muttered, not looking up at Sayori.

Sayori's hand moved from it's spot on Monika's thigh, causing her to sadden, the warmth of it still lingering, the fuzzy sensation of her finger lightly caressing it leaving her wanting more.

But, before she could look up at her, she felt a pair of arms wrap around her shoulders, and a soft head of hair lay on top of her left shoulder. A soft gasp escaped her lips, surprised by the sudden contact, but quickly wrapping her arms around her.

"Monika... That's not silly or over dramatic, not at all..." She whispered, squeezing her ever so softly, "You have more than the right to be upset. Your parents putting so much pressure on you like that... It's not okay," She pulled her head back and looked into Monika's eyes.

"You shouldn't think lesser of yourself because they want you to be something you're not. You're amazing, Monika. Regardless of what your parents, or anyone says. To me, you're perfect. You're smart, pretty, and nice to everyone, even if they aren't nice to you," Sayori stared into Monika's emerald eyes, a stern, assertive stare, "You're my best friend, remember that. Okay?"

Monika felt her heart pound. All those feelings she felt when she thought of Sayori began flooding her mind. Is... Is this what having a true friend feels like? Monika thought in her head, No... No... That isn't right... She looked at Sayori, searching through her eyes, in search of... Something... What is this... Feeling... I... It hurts so much... But it feels so good...

"Monika? Are you okay?" Sayori looked at her worryingly.

Monika snapped back into reality, feeling her right cheek wet with her tear, not noticing it fall from her eye. "O-Oh... Yeah... I just think my eye was open for too long..." She said, and reluctantly let go of Sayori, wiping her face as she looked at the clock.

"Holy crap! It's time to share poems!" She exclaimed, standing up suddenly.

"O-Oh! It is!" Sayori exclaimed, jumping up with Monika, "I'll get mine! Since it's time to share and all!" She ran off to her bag, Monika trailing her with her eyes. The feeling... Won't go away.. But... Do I even want it to?

She grabbed her poem out of her bag, and cleared her throat, "Attention please!" She waited until everyone's attention was on her, "It's poem sharing time, please get your poem and start exchanging them!" Monika said in a cheery tone, everyone nodding and putting up their things, grabbing their papers and walking to one another. Natsuki went over to Sayori, so that meant Monika had Yuri.

They exchanged pleasantries and traded poems. I read through Yuri's poem, and cocked my head, "The Raccoon...?" She muttered to herself quiet enough so Yuri couldn't hear. She was... Confused, and admittedly concerned. Something was off about it, but she decided not to voice her concern. "I like it Yuri, it has a lot of descriptive language and good use of metaphors, of course, you probably already knew that," Monika stated, a big smile on her face.

"A-Ah... Thank you, Monika," Yuri stated, still studying her poem, "Yours is um..." She looked at it a little longer.

"I know, it's not great, but I tried my best in the little time I had," Monika responded, laughing nervously, rubbing the back of her head.

"No! No, it's pretty good. It's just... Is this a love poem?" Yuri asked, rather bluntly.

Monika blushed, "I-I..." She didn't really know the answer herself, "Y-Yes...? But not in the way you probably meant," She stated a little unsure of herself.

"Oh, so it's more about a friend who is really special to you, rather than a person whom you hold romantic feelings towards?" Yuri inquired, looking at her over her paper.

"A-Ah, yes, that's a good way to put it."

"I see then, well," She handed Monika's back to her, Monika doing the same, "It's a lovely poem, and clearly expresses your feelings towards this person. They must really be a good friend," Yuri smiled softly, bowing her head.

"Yeah... They are..." Monika whispered as Yuri walked off.

She next shared with Natsuki, who didn't really care for Monika's use of metaphors and descriptive language, and told her to "Make it clearer next time", she didn't take offense to anything Natsuki said, she knew she had a hard time being nice, which, is okay I suppose.

Then.. Sayori now... Monika felt her heartbeat rise a little, her chest tighten. Most of the time, people don't like showing the person whom the poem is written after, the said poem. But, there wasn't much of a choice now.

"Hi again Monika! Are you feeling better after earlier?" Sayori asked in a hushed tone.

Monika nodded and smiled, "Mhm! All thanks to you, Yo-Yo," She patted the girls head receiving a giggle from the shorter girl. "Let's trade poems, shall we?" Monika proposed, and Sayori nodded as they exchanged.

Monika read through it and cocked her head. This poem was rather... Bittersweet. It leaned to more of the darker side of happiness. How happy she was making others happy, but how hard it was for her to do so. It was... A lot deeper than most of her simple and dorky poems.

"Hey Monika," Sayori asked, looking up at her after she read it, "Who is this about?" She cocked her head, biting her bottom lip.

"O-Oh..." Monika stumbled over her words. Damn it, how am I supposed to answer that? I can't just say her! "It's uh... About a friend of mine, who I cherish deeply," She responded, answering Sayori's question while avoiding it at the same time.

"Oh..." Sayori responded, looking down at Monika's paper, a sad smile playing on her lips, "It's... It's nice. I'm glad you have friends like that!" She said, obviously forcing a smile.

Monika nodded slowly, looking away, "W-Well... You're poem uh..." She said changing the subject, "It's... Pretty deep, Sayori. Like, really really deep. It's surprising to read something like this from someone like you, if you don't mind me saying."

"Oh! Yeah, well," Sayori smiled, "Like you always tell me, just write about what's in your head! And that was what was going on in my head!" She responded, her smile staying up, not wavering.

Monika looked down at her paper, and back to her, "Hey Sayori... Uh... This may be a little out of the blue but..." She gulped, feeling her cheeks tingle, "You can uh... Well, if you um... Ever need to, you can uh... You can always come to me if you... Y-You would like a hug..." Monika forced herself to say, her hand shaking a bit, as she tried to hold it still behind her back.

Sayori's face lighted up instantly, "R-Really?" She exclaimed, receiving a nod from Monika, she quickly jumped on her and wrapped her arms around her, causing Monika to stumble back a bit, "How can I resist hugging you every time I see you?" Sayori exclaimed.

"S-Sayori! Don't say those kind of things!" Monika replied quickly, receiving a giggle from Sayori.

"Don't worry, dummy. We are both girls! It's not like anyone is going to think we're dating or anything!" Sayori said, letting go of Monika.

Monika froze, and she felt her chest tighten up, her hands shaking more than usual. She... She didn't like that. She didn't like the words that came out of Sayori's mouth at all.

And she didn't know why, but she felt like she was going to vomit, "I... I uh..." Monika looked at Sayori, and the other girls who were now looking at her, "Meeting dismissed!" Monika exclaimed quickly, running out of the classroom.

"M-Monika?!" Sayori yelled as Monika ran out.

"We have like, 30 minutes left... Why did she call it so early?" Natsuki inquired, looking at Yuri and Sayori in confusion.

"And she said we were supposed to have a discussion about the festival, not to mention she left her stuff here," Yuri pitched in, rubbing her chin in thought.

"Sayori, what did you say to her?" Natsuki asked bluntly.

Sayori looked back at her, confused, and almost... Hurt. "I... I don't know..." She mumbled. "I'm... Going after her..." She said and walked out the door.

Monika sat on the bathroom floor in a stall, holding her knees up to her chest, her face buried in her thighs.

"Stop..." She mumbled to herself, "Stop it!" She yelled, clinching her fist.

Monika closed her eyes tightly. What Sayori said... She knew she didn't mean anything mean, rude, or offensive. She didn't even say anything that would fit in either of those categories. But... It just hurt... It hurt her so much.

And she didn't know why.

"Monika...? Are you in here?" Sayori asked, walking into the bathroom, her footsteps clacking against the floor, echoing against the white walls.

"S-Sayori...?" She asked out, standing up slowly, exiting the stall.

They looked at each other awkwardly for a moment, "I... I'm sorry. I'm sorry if I said something bad, or wrong. I didn't mean to upset you... I'm sorry for being a terrible friend," Sayori said, breaking the silence. She looked down at the brown tiled floor, biting her lip.

"Sayori..." Monika felt her heart shatter, she hated seeing Sayori look like this. She wanted her to smile, and she needed to make that happen. Now. "It was nothing you did, I just suddenly didn't feel good and I thought I was going to throw up. You did absolutely nothing, silly girl," She said and ruffled her hair.

Sayori looked up at her, a small tear in the corner of her eye. "R-Really...? I didn't... I didn't mess up our friendship?"

Monika smiled, wiping the tear out of her eye and nodding, "Sayori, you would have to like, kill my cat for me to even consider being upset at you, I have no idea what series of events could even propose the idea of our relationship not being like it is right now."

Sayori looked up at her and smiled, a large, wide smile. She threw herself at Monika again, wrapping her arms around her hips. This time, Monika wrapped her own arms around her smaller body.

"So... Do you feel better now?" Sayori asked quietly.

"Of course I do, dummy," Monika whispered in response, "I always feel better when I'm around you."

They held each other a little while longer, before separating and walking back to the clubroom.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Just wanted to give all you who have been reading so far a HUGE thank you <3 You really make my day every time you read my story, and thank you to all the sweet comments. Have an amazing day, and enjoy the newest chapter!

The two girls walked down the hallway in silence, the sound of their heels clicking echoed through the empty hallway. The walk to the bathroom from the clubroom wasn't long, a minute at most if you're walking at a slow pace. Monika looked at Sayori, and back to the ground. I can't believe I let my emotions get the best of me like that. I am such an emotional fool. She thought, wanting to slam her head into the nearest wall at least 12 times, perhaps that could fix her sorry excuse for a brain. Luckily, though, her brain thought of a way to save herself from embarrassment, coming up with a believable excuse for why she left the club in such a hurry. Sayori seemed to believe it, at least. Which, to be fair, wasn't the hardest thing ever.

They made it to the clubroom, where a concerned Yuri and an irritated Natsuki were. "What the hell was that all about Monika?" Natsuki barked, walking up to the much taller girl and lightly pushing her, "You can't just end the club half an hour before it's over! That is not fair!" She said and was about to push the flustered girl again before Sayori stepped in front of her.

"Natsuki, calm down," Sayori said, putting her arms out protectively, "She was sick, and felt like she was going to puke. Don't be so mean to her!" Sayori had a stern look on her face, making Natsuki step back, looking at the two girls in front of her.

"W-Whatever... Just don't cancel it like that again..." Natsuki muttered, Yuri coming up behind her and placing a hand on her shoulder. Natsuki quickly shoved her off, making Yuri bit her lip and step back, apologizing as Natsuki stomped over to the closet, huffing as she did so.

"What's wrong with her?" Sayori asked, looking back at Monika, who was looking away, her hands in her long hair.

"I never know..." She said, walking to Yuri who was shaken up by Natsuki's hostility towards her, "Go talk to her, okay? She is just upset, she isn't mad at you. I promise," Monika whispered to Yuri, who nodded, and shakily walked over to the angry pinkette.

Monika walked to the teachers desk and plopped down in the chair, wanting nothing more than to go home and curl into her blankets and hide forever. She felt a warm hand on her shoulder, and knew who it was instantly, "Thank you for standing up for me Sayori..." Monika mumbled, burying her face farther into her arms. "Sorry I started this mess though..."

"It's not your fault, silly," She said and sat down on a stool, wrapping her arms around her, laying her head on her back, "You know how Natsuki can get, she is just being a butt right now. And you got sick, that's not your choice," She hummed, nuzzling Monika's back.

Monika wasn't sick before, but after hearing Sayori defend her lie, she felt sick to her stomach. She really wanted to go home... "Thanks Yo-Yo, you always have something to say that makes me feel better," She lied, biting her lip and lightly shaking her shoulders, a sign for Sayori to get off so she could sit up. Sayori obliged and let go, letting Monika sit up and crack her back.

She looked at the time and cringed, "Damn... Only 5 minutes left? I guess we are going to have to have our meeting concerning the festival tomorrow," She sighed and looked up at the ceiling. She felt a poke at her side, and looked down at a sheepish Sayori.

"You're looking at the ceiling again... Are you alright?" She asked, biting her lip. Sayori was clearly worried about Monika, her entire face showing it. Monika sighed, turning towards Sayori, putting a hand on her shoulder.

"I'm okay, I promise. I just need to lay down, my head is killing me," She said and cracked her back, which along with her head hurt like hell. She cleared her throat and turned to the two girls in the back of the class, "Hey guys, it's time to go for reals now. Okay?" She said, Yuri nodding at Monika while Natsuki remained seated on the ground, her head in her legs.

Yuri looked to Monika and mouthed, "I'll take care of her" which received a nod from Monika. She picked up her bag and looked to Sayori, "C'mon, lets get out of here." She said, Sayori nodding and grabbing her much smaller bag, slinging it over her shoulder and walking out of the classroom with Monika.

As the two walked out of the school, Sayori looked over to Monika, "I really wonder why Natsuki got so bent out of shape... So what if you cancelled the club so soon?" She asked, looking forward with a puzzled look.

Monika shook her head, "I have my suspicions, but I think it's best to keep such theories to myself, if incorrect I would look like a bastard," She rubbed the back of her head, wincing at her pounding headache. "Gods my head feels like it's being smashed by a bloody damn hammer," She groaned as they exited the school into the violently bright outside.

"I uh... Guess this is where we part ways, huh?" Sayori said, laughing sheepishly and looking down. She held her hands in her lap, clasped together, biting on her lip, as if she wanted to say something but couldn't muster up the courage to do so.

"Well, I'll see you tomorrow, won't I? We'll eat lunch together and everything!" Monika replied in a cheery tone, despite her entire mind and body being a living hell at the moment, and proceeded to ruffle up the smaller girls hair.

"Y-Yeah!" Sayori exclaimed in response, putting her fist up and smirking. "I'll see you tomorrow, then!" She said and skipped off towards her home. Monika sighed, watching the girl skip away, as happy as she could be. She wished she could have that energy, instead she felt like every fiber of her being was made of pure steel, she just fell so heavy all the time.

She turned and made her way home, slowly walking under the burning hot sun. Why did it feel so warm...? She checked her phone, "It's 14? What the hell..." (sidenote: am using Celsius) She scratched her head, breathing in deeply, "It must be this damn blazer..." She said and shook her head, finishing the agonizing walk home and opening the door to her home, tossing her bag against the wall and ignoring the note from her parents, which probably listed every way she was a piece of shit, and walked up to her room, opening the door and slamming it behind her. She didn't bother to undress, she just went straight to her bed and jumped into it, burying her face in her pillow.

She turned and faced her ceiling, staring into the black abyss. "Why am I the way I am...? Why can't I do anything right..." She pulled the blankets over her shoulders and curled up into a little ball, now shivering despite being under blankets and fully clothed.

After tossing around for what felt like forever, she ended up passing out.

A few hours later, she woke up to her phone ringing, she groaned and sat up, fishing in her pocket for the loud phone, she squinted at the bright screen, trying to figure out who was calling her. "Natsuki...?" She cocked her head to the side, confused as to why the hot headed pinkette was calling her. She pressed answer and used her best I've been awake for hours voice. "Nnnn... H-He-" She yawned and groaned, "Hello...?"

"Monika? Did you just wake up or something...? Uh... Never mind that I er... Wanted to apologize... For shoving you..." She struggled saying, clearly not used to apologizing. "I didn't... I wasn't thinking and I'm sorry."

Monika, taken aback from Natsuki's rare apology, nodded, despite not being able to see her, "It's fine, Natsuki. I understand you were upset with me. But," She said, sounding more like herself and less like an incoherent Zombie, "I would like to know the context as to why you were so upset with me over something as objectively arbitrary as me cutting the club time by 30 minutes," She said, receiving silence from the other end.

"Besides that I don't know what half of those words mean... Don't worry about it, okay? It's not a big deal, and it won't happen again. Please, just refrain from ending the club earlier than it's supposed to... Please?" Natsuki asked in a hushed, pleading tone. Which made Monika feel even worse for what she had done.

"Of course, Natsuki. It won't happen again barring something drastic."

They exchanged goodbyes and Monika stood up, looking at her clock she saw it was about 6:30, "Damn... Okay, food first, then homework, then poem, than shower, then bed," She said and turned on her light before heading downstairs. She warmed up some broccoli and Parmesan soup she had made Monday, and took it up to her room. Eating in her room was a cardinal sin in her parents eyes. Guess if they want to enforce the rules they should be home once and awhile. She thought and rolled her eyes, sitting on her bed and putting the hot bowl on her nightstand, reaching down for her bag... Which she remembered was downstairs. She was about to go get it, both for her homework and so her parents didn't crucify her. But... Who cares? She sat back and grabbed the remote for the TV that hung in her room and turned on Netflix, flicking on a random anime she started watching awhile back and started eating her soup, just... Relaxing for once.

She watched Netflix for about an hour before she went downstairs, putting the bowl in the sink and skipping to the shower. She was about to turn the shower head on, but, before she did, she shrugged, "Why not," and she started filling the tub up, may as well use the built in Jacuzzi her parents spent all that money on. She undressed and hopped into the tub, laying back and relaxing in the bubbling, steaming hot water. She closed her eyes, breathing. "I don't know why I haven't done this sooner... I really needed this..." She said aloud, splashing the water on her face, dunking her head in and getting her hair wet.

All she needed was wine and unnaturally bright red fingernails and she would be a badass movie villain girl who thought she just beat the bad guy. She relished in the moment, and smiled.

After about half an hour, she got out of the tub and dressed in a robe, walking back up to her room and tossing her dirty clothes into the hamper and hopping onto her bed. She looked at her phone, which sat on her nightstand and shrugged, picking it up and flicking through her contacts. She found the person she was looking for and quickly pressed call.

After a few seconds of ringing, she heard a click which was followed by that ever so delightful high pitched voice, "Monika?"

"Hey Sayori!" She exclaimed, sitting up and smiling, "I was thinking about you, and well, I was feeling a bit lonely so I called you! I hope that is okay?" She said a little fast, just in an amazing mood.

"Oh! Well, of course it's okay! I just wasn't expecting it. No one ever calls me so I was... A little confused when I heard my phones ringtone," She laughed sheepishly. "So, what are you up to at this time of night? Doing homework?"

"Nah, I'm just chilling in bed relaxing. You?" Monika said nonchalantly, very much out of character for her.

"Uh..." Sayori said, sounding confused, "Who is the impostor doing a Monika impression? Because you aren't doing a very good job of it..."

"Don't be silly, Yo-Yo. I'm just... Trying to relax, you know? Today was stressful, I really needed something like this today," She laid on her side, her tone becoming a bit more serious, "I've had a bad day okay...? I really needed this..." She whispered softly, looking down.

After a few moments of silence, she heard a giggle, "I still love it when you call me Yo-Yo..." Sayori said, and Monika could almost see the girls beautiful smile through the phone, "I'm glad you're treating yourself! You need to every once and awhile, it's not healthy to let stuff pile on top of you and let them constantly weigh you down."

"That is so true," She sighed moved onto her back, "Oh, Natsuki called me by the way," She said and looked over at the clock on her nightstand, which read 9:23.

"Oh? What did she have to say?"

"She apologized for shoving me and getting upset," Monika replied and laughed a little bit.

"Wait wait wait wait wait, Natsuki, OUR Natsuki... Apologized to you? Okay what the heck is wrong with everyone today, it's like y'all are different humans or something like that. Oh my goodness... Have you all been abducted by aliens? Am I the only one left? ARE THE PENGUINS OKAY?" Sayori exclaimed frantically, causing Monika to laugh hysterically.

"Sayori, you are literally the most adorable thing on this planet, no if ands or buts about it," Monika replied after her laughing fit, rubbing her eyes.

"M-Monika... Don't say those things... You make me feel all weird and stuff..." Sayori replied quietly, making Monika raise her eyebrow.

"What do you mean, Sayori?"

"U-Uh... I don't know... I... Can we talk about something else, please?" Sayori asked, in a pleading tone.

"Of course, hun. What did you eat for dinner?" Monika knew the best way to get Sayori's mind off literally anything. Food.

While the girl was ranting about her trying to make her parents food, which ended up in the pan lighting on fire, Monika thought about what Sayori was saying. Why did calling her adorable make her feel weird? She saw Yuri call her adorable before, and she just thanked her and hugged her. Maybe... Maybe she didn't like her and thought her saying that was weird...?

NO! Stop being an idiot, Monika. You know that's not true.

"... And that's how my parents banned me from ever using the stove again." Sayori finished, laughing into the phone sheepishly.

"Oh! Yeah, Sayori, you can't have the fire on full blast for the whole time and expect to not set something on fire. Silly girl," Monika laughed with her and sighed, "It's getting late, isn't it? We should probably head to bed."

"Oh... Yeah... I guess it is, isn't it?" Sayori said in a sad tone, "You're okay, right?" She asked once more, just in case.

"I'm perfectly fine, Sayori."

"Promise?" She replied, making Monika silent for a moment.

"I promise with all of my heart," She replied, smiling as she heard Sayori sigh in relief on the other end.

"Well... Good. Goodnight!" The energetic girl exclaimed.

"Goodnight, Yo-Yo," She said and hung up. "Goodnight beautiful..." She whispered and put her phone down, getting up and turning her light off. She flopped back into bed, and curled up once more. This time, she fell asleep, peacefully as ever, ignoring the hell that was tomorrow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter will be up sometime next week, don't expect a super quick upload though, I got school and stuffs.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can we just not talk about the unhealthy amount of time I am pushing these chapters out? Who cares! Enjoy the newest chapter my darlings.

Monika awoke to a dimly lit room, groggily rolling around before reluctantly opening her eyes. "W-Wh... What time is it...?" She mumbled aloud to no one in particular, rolling onto her left and squinting at the bright green numbers on her alarm clock. "5:04...? Ugh!" She groaned, rolling back onto her right. She had at LEAST an hour and a half of sleep left, she didn't want to wake up this early...

She laid there for a few more minutes, trying to force herself to sleep, but no matter how much she tried, she was awake now. And there was no use fighting it. She threw her blankets off of her and lightly stepped onto the cold floor, shivering as she made contact with it. She would wear socks to bed, to avoid this torturous inconvenience, but it made her feet too warm... Ugh, why did she have to be so picky?

She forced herself to walk across the room and into her bathroom, which was only equipped with a sink and a toilet. She had asked, no, begged her parents to install a shower into the room, but of course she got the usual blow back from her parents, stating that her sister never complained about her bathroom, and that she wasn't a lazy slob who couldn't walk to take a shower. Whatever, she was starting to become numb to anything involving her sister.

Well... She'd like to think that, even though it was an utter lie. It always hurt her, every damn time. And it hurt her because they were always right. Her sister was perfect, and Monika was so far from it, it was an utter stain to her family. Her family would be absolutely perfect, if she didn't exist. Her parents could brag about their smart and amazing daughter without mentioning the mediocre, lackluster female that happens to be of relation.

She may as well off herself while she has the chance... It would be best for everyone...

She slapped herself and shook her head, "Stop thinking Monika... You know that never leads to anything good..." She whispered, going to her bathroom to relieve herself and get ready for the day.

She walked down the stairs, slowly. Her hair brushed, her bow happily placed atop her head, and her blazer and skirt smooth and flat. She didn't like trying to look nice going to school, it made her seem like even more of a pretentious bitch then she already seemed. But, she couldn't walk out of her house looking like "common filth" can she?

Rolling her eyes, she got down to the bottom floor, and walked into the kitchen. Her parents were asleep... Maybe...

She quickly grabbed two apples, a banana, and a bottle of orange juice, running to the door and grabbing her bag, throwing it over her shoulder she opened the door ever so quietly, and gently closed it behind her as she stepped out. She put her shoes on, and walked down the walkway, and out the gate.

The morning air chilled her to the core, she hadn't been up this early in ages. She wanted to go back into her warm, comfy bed. She wanted to curl up and go to bed forever, never having to worry about stupid things like University, expectations, people...

She sighed, she didn't have to be at school for another... She looked at her phone, "An hour...? What am I going to do for an hour?" She groaned, looking back at her house, "I guess walking around in the cold is better than the alternative..." She continued walking away from her house, not really in any particular direction.

After walking for roughly 10 minutes, she groaned, clinching her fists, "Why can't..." She picked up a pebble off the sidewalk, and chucked it down at the ground, leaving a white chalky spot in the middle of the gray concrete, "Why can't anything ever go right..." She whispered shakily, wanting nothing more but to fall to the ground and cry.

But of course, she couldn't. She could never, ever, ever cry. Right? Crying is showing weakness, it's showing how broken you are inside. Can't have that, can we?

She looked around, wondering what in the world she could do. Then, it hit her.

"Hmm... Maybe Sayori is up..." She thought aloud, knowing for a fact that she was fast asleep at this time of day. But, there wasn't an issue in at least attempting to knock on her door. Better than walking around and thinking about how terrible you are.

She made her way to Sayori's house. Well, at least the direction she thought it was in... She had only been there once, and she wasn't there for any longer than twenty minutes. She dropped homework off at her house when she was at home sick a few weeks ago.

She took a few turns that seemed familiar. She sighed, looking at the pink tinted sky, "At least I get to see the pretty sky..." She mumbled, sweeping hair from her face and biting the inside of her cheek. Why was she even going to Sayori's? She knew that she was asleep, and if she wasn't? What's the point in going to someone's house right after they just woke up?

She shrugged her thoughts off and bit into one of her apples, the bittersweet, juicy fruit crunched under the pressure of her teeth, leaving juice on the sides of her mouth. She frowned as she chewed, wiping her mouth off with her sleeve. "Ack, probably shouldn't have done that..." She shook her head, finishing her apple.

As she tossed the core to the side, she turned down a familiar street and sighed in relief, "Ah! There we are," She exclaimed to herself as she lightly jogged down the sidewalk up to the two story white house. It wasn't nearly as big as her own, but, it was quite adorable and comfy looking. There are perks to living in a large house, of course, but living in a small one has it's perks as well. It makes you feel less lonely.

She walked up to the door, and put her hand up, ready to knock. But, before she pounds her knuckles against the hardwood door, she rethinks her decision. Maybe knocking when the whole house is asleep isn't... The best idea in the world. She could easily wake Sayori and her parents up, or cause a dog to bark and wake them up. Well... If they had a dog, which Monika knew they didn't...

She mentally slapped herself, and scratched her neck, looking at the door. She walked up to it, and pressed an ear to it, an attempt to hear anything rustling around in there signalling that someone was awake. One that ultimately was proven pointless, as there wasn't a peep beyond that door, or at least an audible one. She sighed and looked around, spotting a bench that sat right next to the door. She sat down on it, and grabbed her phone. "Alright... I'll just text her,"

She quickly searched through her contacts list and found Sayori, clicking on her name she shot a text saying, "Hey! This may seem a bit odd, but I'm kinda chilling outside your door! ^^; I hope you don't think I'm some creepy weirdo... I just woke up early and decided to walk to school with you. I'll see you when you wake up!"

Putting her phone away, she laughed at herself. "Gods I am an idiot..." She scratched the back of her head and sighed, "She'll probably think I'm some weirdo..."

Her head was leaned against the wall, and her eyes were closed. Just sat there in the cold morning air, alone with her thoughts...

"Monikaaaaaaa. Monika. Monika? MONIKA!"

Monika quickly jumped up frantically looking around, "Who? What? When? Where?" She said quickly, looking around. She looked rather comical as she quickly looked around her, but, she came to a halt as her eyes landed on a dark red bow which laid atop a cute fluff of coral hair.

"S-Sayori...?" She mumbled, rubbing her eyes.

"Y-Yeah... I um... Sorry for yelling... You just didn't wake up... I know you always tell me not to yell... And I just did... I am so sorry Monika..." Sayori said, shaking slightly. She looked... Absolutely dejected. Like someone just stole her birthday from her.

Monika frowned, and walked up to her, "Sayori." She said in a stern voice, causing the shorter girl to flinch. Monika stared down at her, a cold look in her eyes.

Sayori started to tear up, biting the inside of her lip, "I-I-I said I was-" She was quickly cut off by a slim pair of arms wrapping around her, and a head laying atop her own.

"You dummy... If you hadn't woken me up, I would have been late for school, and my parents would have killed me. Thank you, Sayori." Monika said, and let go, wiping the corners of Sayori's eyes, noticing the light shade of pink on her face, raising an eyebrow.

"O-Oh..." Sayori replied, seemingly trying to process what just happened. She puffed out her cheeks and crossed her arms, turning her head away, "You are a meanie! Making me feel all sad and stuff! Why would I want to walk with a bully like you?" She said defiantly.

Monika wavered a bit, but smirked, knowing the best possible way to be forgiven. "Easy. I have a banana and an apple, and you don't." She giggled, holding the banana in her hand, shaking it to the side.

Sayori's eyes lit up, "Ooh! Yummy yummy banana! Yummy yummy apple! Gimmie!" She exclaimed, reaching for it.

Monika smiled, and held it away, "Ah ah ah, first you have to apologize for calling me a meanie and a bully."

Sayori pouted and turned her head to the side, "Fine. I guess I will starve." Sayori started walking ahead a bit faster, forcing Monika to chase after her.

"Fine! I'll give you the food," Monika said, defeated, which made Sayori stop and giggle.

She took the the fruit and smiled up at Monika, "Thank you," She said, "And sorry for calling you a meanie and a bully, you are so not a meanie and a bully."

Monika smiled back and ruffled her hair affectionately, "I'm glad you don't think so!" She chimed, sighing as the continued walking in a comfortable silence, well, if you don't count the crunching from Sayori. The girl really could eat a thing or two...

As they walked, Sayori looked up to Monika, "Hey uh... Is this going to be er... Well um..." Sayori looked as if she didn't know what to say, which, confused Monika. Usually this girl could babble on for days on end, which, wasn't a bad thing in Monika's opinion. Some people find that kind of person annoying, but, what's more preferable? Awkwardness and silence? Or someone who can't stop talking and always tries to be engaged?

"Uh, Monika?" Monika snapped out of her thoughtful daze and looked over at the slightly shorter girl.

"Sorry! I was spacing out, what is it you were going to say, Yo-Yo?"

Sayori's cheeks tinted a light shade of pink at the mention of her nickname, but shook it off and looked forward, "I was um... Going to ask you if this was a er... One time thing or not..." She said quietly, looking off to the side.

"O-Oh..." Monika was taken aback by the question. Was this going to be a routine thing? Or was this just the one time? On one hand she could spend time with Sayori, on the other she had to wake up super early so she could avoid her parents...

"I'm sorry! That was a dumb question, sorry. I knew I shouldn't have asked," Sayori said quickly, waving her hands, which, was quite comedic due to the flailing banana peel in one of her hands.

Monika closed her eyes and breathed in the crisp morning air. Ah to hell with it. "Don't be silly, that is a perfectly valid question!" She said cheerfully, "I would love to make this a more routine thing, if you wouldn't be opposed, of course."

Sayori's dark blue eyes lit up, and she cheered, pumping her hand in the air, this one being the holder of the apple core. "Yay! I'm so glad! I haven't been able to walk to school with someone for years!" She abruptly stopped and hugged Monika's side.

"Jeez... Someone is huggy today..." Monika joked, lightly hugging back and patting her back.

"You said I could hug you whenever! Like I'm not going to take advantage of that!" She giggled and let go, and they went back to walking.

They made their way to the school in silence, comfortable, sweet, silence. Monika adored this time, walking together with someone whom she considers a real friend? Someone who actually considers her as a real friend?

Bliss. That's what this is.

They made it to the school and Monika sighed, "That was a pleasant walk, wasn't it?" Monika said as they walked through the doors.

Sayori nodded, "Mhm! Especially since I got food! Hehe~" Sayori laughed, making Monika sigh and grin.

She lightly jabbed her side with her elbow, "You're such a dork. I'll see you this afternoon! Okay?"

"Oh, are we not eating lunch together...?" Sayori asked, seeming a little sad with that statement.

"Oh! Um... No... I have to eat in class today, I have to work on my missing work and eat at the same time... Trust me as I say I would choose eating with you a million times over, but, I need to do a paper for English."

"Ugh... I hate English. It's so complicated! Japanese class is 10x easier..." Sayori huffed.

"Well, that's obvious, considering Japanese is your main language, silly," Monika giggled, patting the girls coral hair.

"O-Oh yeah that... Makes sense..." She blushed, most likely from embarrassment, but Monika liked to think it was because of the head pat.

"Well! Don't wanna be late! I'll see you later Yo-Yo!" Monika said and quickly scurried off to her class, leaving a waving Sayori behind.

...

Monika was thoroughly on edge. She wanted to bash her head into a wall, then proceed to throw a desk into the wall over and over again.

She was seething, her English teacher was NOT being fair. How did that stuck up, prissy woman expect her to write a paper and email it to her by 11:59 tonight? She JUST started on it, she hadn't even been able to make the introduction... To the rough draft.

It seems even her teachers despised her. What's new? Just another expectation to meet with utter disappointment that her sister could have done while working at a soup kitchen, discovering a cure for cancer, and taking care of orphans, all at the same time.

She rolled her eyes, sure she was exaggerating, but the way her parents made Minori sound, one would think she was the reincarnate of Jesus Christ himself. She hated thinking of her sister negatively, she loved her sister to bits. But, she couldn't handle her parents worshiping the ground she walks on.

Her parents... She sighed again, remembering the lengthy text her mother had sent her around noon, asking where she was in the morning, telling her how much of a lazy slob she was last night, how she did nothing of what they said, about how in trouble she was in when they talked next.

At this point she was so livid with her teacher and already holding a grudge against her parents at the moment, she sent back a response she kind of regretted, but felt so good about.

"Maybe if you were home once and awhile I wouldn't be such a piece of shit."

After that text she turned her phone off and refused to look at it the rest of the day. She just wanted to go to the club, relax, and be happy for the one hour a day she is allowed to be.

She walked through the door and much to her surprise, it was empty. "Wow, guess I'm early..." She mumbled and dropped her stuff next to the teachers desk, rubbing her temple as she looked around. "How am I going to convince Natsuki and Yuri..." She muttered under her breath.

Sayori was already on board with the plan for the festival, but, she knew Yuri and Natsuki would be very apprehensive. And knowing Natsuki, she'd make sure Monika knew.

What a drag.

Soon, Yuri came in, followed by Sayori and Natsuki. "Ah! I see you all came in rather coordinated! That is perfect!" She smiled at her club members, her real friends...

"Oh, yes. I guess we did," Yuri said in her soft voice, turning to the other two and giving a light smile.

"Me and Sayori are in the same class at the end of the day and we were chose to clean up, so that's why we were here together," Natsuki explained, shrugging.

"Sayori and I, Natsuki," Yuri corrected, lightly.

"Erk-" Natsuki's face flared.

'Oh gods not again...' Monika thought as Natsuki looked at Yuri, her face red, presumably with anger.

"... Thanks..." Natsuki said quietly, turning on her heel and walking off to the back of the classroom.

To say Monika and Sayori were floored would be an the understatement of the century. They were utterly shocked that that did not turn into a full blown argument.

"Uh... Yuri?" Monika eventually croaked, cocking her head to the side, "Do you uh... Mind explaining why World War Three isn't starting in this classroom?"

"Oh! I uh, suppose that expected results were far more negative than they were," Yuri played with her sleeve, looking to the side, "Natsuki has been having issues in Japanese class, so, I have been tutoring her when I can. Of course, we are both often busy with the club at the end of the day, so, as a part of that tutoring we have agreed that I correct her when she has grammatical errors in her speech. Overtime, her speech will translate to her writing," Yuri explained, leaving Monika both speechless and impressed.

"Yuri," Monika walked up to her and asked her to come closer. Yuri, confused, complied, Monika leaned a little close to her ear, "You wouldn't have anything to do with why a certain pink haired girl called me and apologize, would you?" She whispered and pulled away, leaving Yuri as a red mess.

"H-H-How... S-S-She wanted to d-do it b-b-before I-I told her t-to I-I promise..." Yuri sputtered, trying her best to cover for her friend.

Monika giggled behind her hand, and waived at Yuri dismissively, "Don't be silly, okay? I appreciate it. I know she was sorry for real, but I know something was up when she actually apologized," Monika giggled behind her hand. "You two have become more friendly, haven't you?"

Yuri's face was still red, but it was only a light shade at this point as she looked back, almost dreamily, "Ah... Yes. We still bicker every once and awhile, but we have started to speak with each other more, and I guess we just found out that we have more in common then what was previously assumed."

"Hehe~ I'm glad. I want all my club members to get along!" Monika clapped, looking over at Sayori who was smiling wide as well.

"Yay! I'm glad you and Natsuki have been getting along! It makes me so happy!" Sayori cheered, making Yuri blush and attempt to quiet her down, so Natsuki didn't pick up on the conversation.

Monika sighed contently. Everything was finally coming together, this club was becoming one cohesive, wholesome place. She hadn't felt so at ease in such a long time...

"Okay guys!" She exclaimed, loud enough for Natsuki to hear in the back, "You guys do remember what this meeting is centered around, right?" Monika asked once Natsuki reluctantly joined them at the front.

"Ooh! I do I do I do!" Sayori exclaimed, raising her hand.

Monika giggled and shook her head, "Of course you do, what is it?" She smiled, she loved seeing Sayori like that. It made her feel all types of warm and fuzzy...

"We are going to talk about what we are doing for the festival, right?"

"Yup!" Monika replied, and looked at the other two, who were staring at her quizzically, "We are going to be presenting poems aloud to whomever has the pleasure of joining us!" Monika exclaimed, receiving instant looks of shock from Natsuki and Yuri.

"W-What...? I-I..." Yuri stumbled, her face red and her eyes wide.

"WHAT?! I did NOT sign up for this, excuse you!" Natsuki stood up, "Why didn't you discuss this with us?"

"Natsuki..." Monika sighed, "What do you think I'm doing...?" As she said that, Natsuki opened her mouth, but quickly closed it and plopped back down in her seat.

"Whatever..." She mumbled, causing Monika to sigh in relief.

"Now, guys..." She says as everyone is sedated for now, "We will be writing a poem, and we will be presenting them in front of a crowd," She said and inhaled, "I really really think that this will make people genuinely interested in the club and I would really appreciate it if you guys did it because I really want this club to grow!" Monika said quickly, trying to get all the words she could before Natsuki could interrupt.

Natsuki's mouth was a tight line, she looked at Monika, then to Yuri, who was seemingly doing breathing exercises.

"Please, Natsuki? Yuri? I have faith in you two!" She turned to Yuri, "Yuri, I know how you get when you start talking about things you love, that passion! That confidence! Don't you want to share that with people? Don't you want like-minded people to join the club, so you can actually talk about those things that you love?" She asked, receiving a quick look and a nod from the purple haired girl.

"And Natsuki!" She said, turning to the the pissed off pinkette, "You love manga! I know people make fun of that, but, there are definitely people who share that love for manga! You could actually discuss popular series, and find out about some you've never heard of! Doesn't that excite you?" Monika exclaimed. She was trying, gods she was trying so hard.

"I don't know Monika... What if-"

"Please, Natsuki? I want this club to grow so bad, I want people in this club that make you all feel safe and happy!" Monika pleaded, disguising her desperation with confidence.

"Ugh! Fine, whatever." Natsuki said and rolled her eyes, "I don't want to, but... If it's for the club..."

"I agree with Natsuki... I guess..." Yuri said quietly, looking away and playing with her hair.

"Yay! I just knew you guys would agree!" Sayori exclaimed after staying quiet through the whole ordeal. "I'm so glad! You guys will do great!"

"See? Sayori is excited! Why can't you guys be?" Monika asked, and Natsuki scoffed.

"Monika, me and y-" She looked at Yuri, "Erm... You and I both know that getting Sayori excited is like, the literal easiest thing ever."

Sayori laughs awkwardly, Monika rubs her shoulder and smile, "I know, and it's adorable!" Monika smirked as Sayori's face turned red from the compliment.

"Anywho!" Monika clapped her hands together, "So, for practice, we are going to do a mock presentation. So, to do that, tomorrow's poems will not be shared individually, we will share openly in front of the class to everyone. It gives you some time to prepare, which I imagine you would appreciate," She said and Natsuki scoffed again.

"Whatever, I don't care. Can we just have our open read and write day now?" Natsuki said in a cold tone.

Monika frowned and sighed, "Sure... We'll discuss the festival more after our presentations."

Natsuki and Yuri quickly got up and went to their respective activities.

Monika laid her head on the desk and sighed. She felt a warm hand on her back, and she looked up. "That went a little better than I thought it would!" Sayori smiled above her.

Monika smiled back, gods that smile was infectious."Yeah, I guess so..." Monika sighed and stood up, "I need to do homework, and I'm assuming you do too?" Monika looked at Sayori who had a nervous smile on her face.

"Y-Yeah... I am kinda backed up on math..."

"Sayori... I thought we talked about turning your assignments in on time..." Monika scolded lightly, not wanting to be mean, but still wanting to get her point across.

"I know I know! I'm sorry! I just... Have been really tired lately..." Sayori said, and looked down.

"I... It's fine Yo-Yo. Just get it done, okay?" She put a hand on her shoulder, which made Sayori smile brightly again.

"Of course!" She said and went to a desk, pulling her binder out.

"Guess it's time for hell to break loose..." She mumbled as she sat down, opening the gates of hell, also known as her binder.

...

Monika dropped her pen as she looked down at the paper in front of her, "I'm going to fucking rip my hair out I swear to every God there is..." She mumbled under her breath. She had just barely finished her rough draft for English before it was time to leave. Stuffing her binder and papers away in her bag, she stood up and coughed into her hand. "Alright guys, club is dismissed! Remember, presentations tomorrow!"

"Yeah yeah we know, thanks for the reminder as to why I don't want to come tomorrow," Natsuki grumbled.

"Natsuki! Be nice!" Sayori scolded, which made Natsuki only roll her eyes as she left.

"I-I will be prepared tomorrow, Monika... I hope..." Yuri stuttered, "Have a lovely evening..."

She soon followed Natsuki out the door, leaving only Monika and Sayori in the room.

"Hey Moni?" Sayori said, coming up to the desk, "Do you wanna walk home with me? I-If it's not too far out of your way..." Sayori asked nervously, putting her hands behind her back.

Sayori's house was way out of her way, to be quite honest. But, it was better than going home and seeing whatever condescending note her parents left her, and finally turning her phone back on and reading whatever her mother had to say back.

"Nope! Not out of my way at all! C'mon, let's go!" Monika said and picked her bag up, slinging it over her shoulder.

The two girls walked out of the clubroom and down to the courtyard, before slowing walking out to the sidewalk and making their way to Sayori's house.

Once again, they were silent, just enjoying the others company while they walked in the cool Autumn evening.

They had walked a little ways before Sayori looked over to Monika, and bit her lip, "Uh... Hey Monika, I can trust you, right?" She asked, looking up at the slightly taller girl.

Monika was confused at the sudden question, but, shrugged and nodded, "Of course, silly! You are one of my best friends after all!"

"W-Wait... I am?" Sayori looked surprised that Monika would use the word "best friend" to describe her.

"Pft, of course. You're like, one the most awesomest people I have ever met! Why wouldn't I consider you one of my besties! You dobe," Monika giggled, ruffling the hair of the blushing Sayori.

"W-Well... I-I think you're one of my besties too..." Sayori smiled slightly, "S-So erm... I can trust you with this super duper secret info, right?" Sayori asked, starting to get serious as a joke.

Monika, playing along, stopped and put her hand on Sayori's shoulders, looking at her with an intense look, "I will protect this information with my life. I will fend off any enemy agents who dare try and intercept this message."

Sayori laughed and shook her head, "You're so silly..."

"Ah ah ah, we're silly!" Monika replied.

"Sure sure... But uh, well, this morning you came by super early and sat outside my house in the cold. I just... If you come by that early again, there is a key under the cushion of the bench on the porch. You are welcome to come in!" Sayori said, biting her lip.

Monika was taken aback, "Wow... That's... You're so sweet..." Monika quickly wrapped the girl up in a hug, "I'm not going to steal from you, I promise," She said as she broke the hug.

"I know, I just... Am really not supposed to tell people about that key... But hey! Best friends get exceptions!" Sayori said and they both giggled.

They walked a little more, until they reached Sayori's home. "Welp! This is it!" Sayori said, and sighed, "I can't wait for tomorrow! It's Friday, AND we get to present our poems! I am going to make the best poem ever tomorrow, just you wait!"

"I have full faith in you!" Monika replied, "Bye Yo-Yo!" She said as Sayori opened her door.

"Bye Monika!"

And with the closing of that door, Monika was alone. She sighed and looked down.

"Looks like my happy time is over..." She adjusted her blazer and made her way back home. The last place she wanted to go.

She just wanted to talk to Sayori and be with her, is that so bad?

Monika stopped in her tracks, she started shaking, "Oh Monika you idiot..." She whispered, realizing what she had felt all this time.

"You let yourself fall for a girl..." She laughed to herself, burying her face in her cold hands, "You let yourself fall for a fucking girl..." She repeated, this time in a darker tone.

"I'm in love with Sayori." She said aloud and looked to the sky, wanting nothing more than to be whisked away by the wind.

"Oh I bet my parents will love this, not only am I useless, I am fucking gay now..." She laughed darkly.

"You fucking idiot, Monika."


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Thank you for all the support, I really appreciate all of it with the bottom of my heart. Every single one of you who have read it, hold a special place in my heart. Anyways! I wanted to make a quick reminder that every single character in the story, unless specified to be otherwise, is Japanese, and the story is taking place in Japan. Just a reminder! Anyways, enjoy the chapter.

'Love'

The word plagued Monika's mind, like an annoyingly catchy song that refused to exit your mind despite how much you try to shove it out. Or like the drunken party boy who gets overly inebriated at every event, and refuses to leave despite no one wanting him there.

"No..." She muttered to herself, shaking her head, "I'm not in love," She stated defiantly. "I am not some fool who falls in love so soon..." She put her hands in her face and groaned, wanting to scream as loud as she possibly could.

"It's just a crush... Yeah... It'll go away and I'll forget those feelings even existed, just an everyday crush..." She laughed slightly, "On a girl..." That was the other thing, she had never once been attracted to a female before. She had never given thought to her sexuality, she had just naturally assumed she was straight and only preferred men. But, that of course conflicts with her current feelings.

Why did things always have to be so complicated? Why couldn't life be simple and easy? She just wanted to live life happily, have parents who treated her well, have nice friends, have hobbies that she enjoyed, and none of the other complicated stuff that took years off of her life. But, that isn't how life goes, is it?

"I have more... Important things to think about..." She shook her head and tried her best to push the thoughts of Sayori into the back of her mind, and her thoughts now went to the confusion that is her heart, to the disdain that was her home life.

She did her best to enjoy the rest of the walk in the semi-cold weather, but of course, like everything good in life, it ended too soon. Her vision was overtaken by her large house. She sighed, and made her way to the front gate. As she reached for the gate, her hand stopped.

The light in the kitchen and living room were on.

Her parents would never leave the house with the lights on like that, the few times Monika did it, and even Minori, they scolded them harshly, even on one occasion grounding the two for leaving the house with all the midfloor lights on.

She retracted her hand, and shakily made her way to the two door garage, and she opened the gray keypad and punched in the code, the white steel doors opening up, and as they slid up, her blood ran cold, and shivers slithered down her spine.

Her parents cars were there, sitting perfectly still in the cold garage. She stepped back and let the garage doors fall.

They weren't ever home this early... Why were they here so early? Monika felt as if there was a 10000 kilogram weight on her back as she stared at her once welcoming home, which now looked foreboding, and terrifying.

She wondered if she should sprint away, and just let her problems disappear. But, she knew that was an awful idea, and in all reality she had no place to go if she did choose to. Well... She could always go to Sayori's, but, the idea of spending time with her after her discovery of her feelings felt like an even poorer decision.

Monika slowly walked to her front gate, and opened it. Closing it behind her, she made the slow walk to her door, each step landed with a dull thud, as if it were weighed down with a million kilos. She made it to the door, and looked down on the porch. Her parents shoes sat there perfectly straight against the house, confirming that her parents were here, as if there was a chance they were gone.

She slipped her shoes off and placed them next to her parents, and breathed deeply, reaching a shaky hand towards the knob and slowly turning it, opening the door and walking inside.

The air in the house was tense, it felt like a dark cloud, whirling around with disappointment and disdain. She felt like vomiting as she closed the door behind her. She shrugged her bag off of her shoulders, and the moment her bag hit the ground, she heard the thing she wished she didn't.

"Monika, get in here. Now." Her father said in a stern, deep voice.

She walked into the kitchen, her eyes glued onto the floor, refusing to look her parents in the eyes.

"Monika." Her father said once more, "Monika, you will look at me while I talk to you."

Monika begrudgingly looked up, and much to her expectations, saw both of her parents sitting there, looking at her with nothing but disappointment laced in their eyes.

"Take a seat," Her mother said, but Monika shook her head quietly.

"I-I'll stand... Please..." She croaked, barely audible to her parents.

They nodded and Monika felt her shoulders relax, albeit slightly.

"Monika, what in the world were you thinking?" Her father asked after a few moments of silence, "First, you don't do any of the chores you were supposed to yesterday, you didn't even seem to read the note we left you. Then, you leave the house hours before you are supposed to, without telling anyone no less, then you say something that vulgar and spiteful to your mother? Even through text, that behavior is utterly unacceptable," Her father scolded harshly.

She stood there, clutching her left hand in her right, shaking ever so slightly. She was scared, she didn't know why, she knew her father would never lay a finger on her, but... It was just the feeling of being in the sight of two people who she knew wanted nothing to do with her, and the pit in her stomach that gave her.

"Do you know how appalled I was, Monika? To have my daughter send me something so vile in my place of work no less? Your sister-"

Monika felt something snap as soon as her mother mentioned her sister. Her hands fell to her side, clenching her fists so tight her knuckles became a pale white. She was over it, she was at her breaking point.

"Will you..." She cut her mother off, "Shut. The. Hell. Up. For ONE second, and reflect on what you say to me? And that maybe instead of being appalled over the way I said something, actually think about WHY I said it?" She snapped at her mother, who looked thoroughly taken aback by her previously timid daughter.

"Monika! How dare you spe-"

"No dad, how dare YOU let her speak to me like I'm trash? How dare you speak to me like I'm trash?" She spat, "God, I would think Minori is a deity with the amount of worship you give her, as if she was the messiah. And who am I? The lowly disciple who was just a fucking failure," That marked the first time she had ever cursed in front of her parents, and by the looks on their faces, you could tell.

"Oh gods how you just go on and on about how amazing she is. It's almost like you don't have another daughter, if no one asked they probably would never know! Since I do nothing of note and am just a failure, of course, OF COURSE, you wouldn't want to mention me! Don't want to sully that good name, huh? Not like you would have anything to boast about, considering you know NOTHING about me!" She let the years of pent up aggression and sadness pour out of her, the hours of crying feeling as if she wasn't good enough, the suicidal thoughts...

"You never, ever compliment me for anything. I never get a "I'm proud of you Monika!" or even a damn "Good job!" No, I get "You should do better," and "I'm disappointed." But, I would bet you tell Minori how proud you are of her over the phone at least twice a week, over the most arbitrary of achievements. Hell, you probably talk to her more than you talk to me, and she doesn't even live with us anymore! I am so done with this stupid crap, I am so done with you telling me how shit I am, telling me how I should live MY life, telling me who I should be, then getting butt hurt when I call you out on it," She felt tears welling in the corners of her eyes, she knew she should stop, but she couldn't.

"Do you even know anything about me? Do you?" She shook her head, "Hmm? Name one of my friends. Name one, go ahead, try," She egged them on, and she could tell by the exchanging glances they had nothing, "Oh! What a surprise! But, I bet you can name every new friend Minori has made at Uni, can't you?"

The stayed silent, "Tch, of course. Tell me, what do I do in my free time? What are my hobbies? What's my favorite school subject? What's my favorite color? Half the time I'm convinced you don't even remember my birthday!" She yelled.

They only looked away. "Can't even look at me, can you? I bet you just wish I left, and never came back. Just so you could pretend that you only have one daughter who is this amazing godly person, instead of having two daughters, and one of them being some failure, being some utter stain to the family name that you don't care about," She felt tears streaming down her face, "You know who I had to go to when I was feeling depressed? Or when I had a falling out with a friend? Or was stressed out because of school or school drama? Or when my damn cat died? If the guess is no one, then you are spot on! I have had no one to rely on, no one to talk to, no one to comfort me, not that I didn't want someone, it's just my parents couldn't care less about their daughters suffering unless it involves your fragile self-image." She shook her head, "And if I even dare attempted to come to you, I was scolded for being too soft..." She seethed, her eyes laced with anger.

"Is it so hard? Is it really that much of a strain on your pride that you can't bare to ask me the simplest of questions, to at least PRETEND to be interested in my life? In my interest? Half the time I feel like I'm just a squatter and you guys don't even know I'm here, just living in a house with two people who could care less about your existence, and only cares if your existence makes them look bad."

"Do you know where I am after school, do you?" She asked her voice still filled with venom, expecting the wrong answer.

After a moment of silence, her mother spoke up, "You... Are the president of the debate club... Right?"

"You know, I am surprised that you even remembered that. But no, I dropped the debate club and I'm now running a literature club. But you never asked me what I do at school, so of course you wouldn't know that," She shook her head, her face wet with tears. "I don't even know how many times I've been hurt because you had better things to worry about than your daughter," She turned around, refusing to look at them.

"Is this your whole plan, perhaps? Push me aside, make me feel so much inner pain I can't handle it anymore? Maybe so I'll just end up offing myself, so you could come up with an excuse as to why I am such a failure, because I have some secret mental disorder that you chose to keep from everyone and 'did the best you can' but nothing could help? At least that would give you a damn reason for treating me like this..." She sobbed, knowing full well she was going way too far, that she was saying things that could cause major damage with her parents. But... She didn't care anymore.

"Monika..." Her mother said softly.

"No! Leave me alone! You are already amazing at that, why can't you do it now?" She started for the stairs, but stopped, "You know what the worst part is? I am going through one of the most confusing times of my life, and I can't even trust you enough to confide in you..." She whimpered, tears streaming down her face as she ran up the stairs, wiping them away with her sleeve. She made it to her rooms floor and rushed towards her door.

Suddenly, she smashed into something and fell back on her behind, hearing a loud yelp as she reached for her head, "What the hell...?"

She looked in front of her, and much to her surprise, she saw a girl, around her age, with light blonde hair and dark brown eyes, dressed in full black, with a long sleeve button up shirt with a collar and a skirt that went to her knees. That was the outfit their maids are supposed to wear...

The girl frantically looked up at Monika, and quickly went to her bag that was hanging on her shoulder, digging through it. "Who are you?" Monika asked, looking the girl up and down.

The girl stopped and looked up, her face a red mess. "Uh... Fish bubble!" She said randomly, out of the blue in a strange accent...

"What...?" Monika cocked her head to the side in confusion. Was this girl mentally unstable?

The girl searched through her bag once more, and proceeded to grab a small book, which only strengthened Monika's suspicions.

She was about to reach for her phone and call the police, but, before she did, she got a good look at the front cover of the book and it's title, "English to Japanese dictionary: A simple guide to common Japanese phrases and words." it read in English, and everything clicked for Monika.

"I..." The girl said slowly, squinting at the page, "Am... Sorry..." She said and looked up at Monika expectantly, her large dark eyes staring at her.

Monika, despite the fact she just had the biggest argument in her life, potentially ruined the weak relationship with her parents, and was feeling utterly dreadful, let out a small giggle.

"I speak English, you know," She said in English, which made the girls shoulders relax, and a sigh coming from her as she hung her head.

"Thank goodness..." She mumbled, this time in a clear American accent, putting the dictionary away in her bag, "I thought I was doomed... Ahaha..."

Monika giggled again and stood up, walking over to her and helping her up, "I have been taught English since I was six, I'm pretty much fluent in the language," Monika said and crossed her arms, glad that this girl wasn't some psychopath who broke into her home. She hoped...

"Ah! I heard that a lot of Asian children are taught English, but I didn't know if it was true or not," She said and rubbed the back of her head, laughing slightly.

Monika nodded and looked her up and down, "Now, I would prefer if you explained to me why there is an American girl on the second floor of my house," She said and the girl looked at Monika confused.

"Huh...? Did... Did your parents not tell you?" She cocked her head to the side, "I'm the new maid, your parents posted something online that they needed a new one, and I got the job. Weird that they didn't tell you..."

Monika rolled her eyes, "I'm not surprised. They would have kept me in the dark until I saw you after I came home from school and called the police," she rubbed the back of her head, scowling at the thought of her parents. "Well, I guess that explains the outfit," She said and smiled, extending her hand out to the girl, "My name is Nishimura Monika, may I know yours?"

"Oh!" She quickly took Monika's hand and shook it, "I am Katelyn! It is a pleasure to meet you, Monika!" She said in a delightful tone.

"Pleasure to meet you as well, Katelyn," She said and looked her up and down, "You don't look much older than me, how is it an American girl like yourself who knows next to no Japanese is in, well, Japan?" She questioned, curiously.

"Oh, I was accepted into Uni here, and I'm starting in a few months. I decided to come here before school started so I could get accustomed to the way of life and stuff, and y'know... Learn Japanese," She laughed and rubbed the back of her head. She seemed to have a habit of doing that...

"Well, Japanese isn't exactly easy to learn in a few months but... I have faith in you..." Monika said half heartedly. She was really not feeling conversation right now, and this just felt like it was dragging on...

"Awe! Thank you! Well, I don't want to bother you anymore, and I have work to do. Farewell!" She said and waved as she went to the flight of stairs that led to the third floor.

"Thank... God..." She muttered, and went to her room. The new maid, Katelyn... She wasn't awful, maybe a bit odd, but, she isn't from this country so it's to be expected that she act strange in Monika's eyes. Hopefully she didn't notice her traces of crying... But she looked like she was too worried about knowing Japanese than Monika. Anyway, she seems to be better than the last one, Suzutsuki, who was and old bat who was nothing but rude. Not to mention she was stealing from them the entire time...

She grunted and opened her door, slamming it behind her as she flopped on her bed, and the wave of pain and sadness that was being held back was poured onto her as her eyes filled once more with tears, and sobs escaped from her lips as she cried into her pillow, letting it all out as she laid there.

She thought of how her parents treated her, she thought of her sister, she thought of how hostile she was to her parents, and despite not being the best to her, how they didn't deserve that.

She thought of Sayori and her confusing feelings that she didn't understand, and how they plagued her, despite her only figuring them out no more than an hour and a half ago.

After what felt like forever, her tears slowly began to abate, and she wiped them away, looking to the window, seeing the sun was starting to set. She sighed and rubbed her temple. She didn't want to go downstairs to eat, she didn't want to see her parents right now. And, seeing as they didn't come up to check on her, she was certain they weren't fond of the idea anyways.

She needed to do something, though. She was starving, she didn't eat lunch in class, she didn't have the mental power to work and eat at the same time...

"Work... Oh gosh dang it..." She muttered, remembering her paper she needed to turn in by tonight. She was definitely not in a mental state to work on homework...

Then, an idea hit her. "Maybe..." She felt her heart pounding in her chest as she picked up her phone with a shaky hand. She didn't know if she had the strength to after the walk home but...

She slowly opened her contacts and scrolled through until she landed on the name she was looking for, "Takahashi Sayori..." She mumbled the name and clicked on the name, her phone indicating she was calling her.

She put the phone to her ear and gulped, waiting...

She heard a static noise, and for a moment, silence. The only noise being the sound of her heart pounding in her chest.

Then... "Monika?"

And her sadness flooded away.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, I'm still alive? It's hard to believe, but yeah, I am. If you were wondering where in the world I was, and how I went from consistent updates to going M.I.A. for two months? Well, long story short, depression can go pound sand. But! I got a new AD script, and that gave me motivation to write again. So, hopefully I will finish this story within the month! Now that my rambling is over, enjoy!

"... Monika? What's up?" Sayori asked, her high pitched voice soothing the stressed out brunette more than she could rightfully explain. God, she was a helpless lesbian, wasn't she?

"Hi! Sayori!" Monika said, doing her best to mask her sadness. Her face was still wet with tears, her eyes puffy, but she couldn't help but smile as she heard the ever so relaxing voice of her crush. Was it too early to call her a crush? "I erm... Would you think it would be... Um... Okay if I... Came over tonight? Maybe stay the night..." She trailed off, biting the inside of her cheek.

Sayori was quiet for a moment, which worried the already broken down brunette. She really hoped that she would say yes...

"Um... Wow, I wasn't expecting that, ehehe... Erm... Well, I would love that," Monika quietly pumped her fist in the air, "But, I don't know if my parents would be on board with that, I'll have to ask. Maybe it would help to convince them if you gave me a reason?"

Monika's demeanor changed from victorious to defeated as her shoulders slumped over. Should she tell her the real reason? Is she even comfortable enough to tell her something that heavy?

"Um... I just need a place to work on homework..." She mumbled, making it clear that that wasn't the truth.

"Oh! That should probably convince them, yeah!" The cheery coral haired girl exclaimed, seemingly none the wiser of Monika's obvious lies.

"Oh, that's... Nice. I'll be over in about half an hour, if that's cool? And if it is too much of an inconvenience, I won't intrude on your dinner and eat with you guys," She said, standing up and grabbing a small bag. She knew Sayori wasn't poor, but she knew her parents weren't rolling in money.

"Oh don't be silly! If they won't feed you, I will give you some of mine. You aren't gonna come here and go hungry. What kind of monster do you think I am?" Monika laughed in response, shaking her head as she put the bag on her bed.

"Oh, just the scariest monster known to man. You'd give Godzilla a run for his money," She teased, undressing and tossing her dirtied uniform into the laundry bin. She went back to her closet and grabbed her other uniform, putting it in the bag.

"Raaaaaawrr! Fear me! I am the Demon Queen of Debauchery! I will conquer the world!" Sayori exclaimed, both brutally mispronouncing "Debauchery" and using it without knowing what it means in the slightest.

She grabbed a blue blouse and a pair of black jeans, stuffing herself in them, holding her phone to her ear with her shoulder, "I have no doubts in you, your evilness. But, perhaps you should wait on the whole conquering the world thing for now, at least until you can solve algebra equations," She enjoyed the innocent teasing, smiling as she threw the blouse over her head.

"Fine... Meanie..." She sighed, "Well, I guess I'll see ya when you get here!" She exclaimed, which put a smile on Monika's face.

"I can't wait," She hung up and stared at her phone screen. "The effect this girl has on me isn't healthy... But I can't complain..." She whispered to herself, putting her binder into the bag along with her brush and makeup kit/self care kit and zipped it up.

Okay, step two. Sneaking out. Shouldn't be that hard, right? Her parents were probably in their room talking about how they should kick her out or something along those lines. She quite frankly didn't care.

The rebellious brunette left her room, softly closing the door behind her as she creeped downstairs. She peeked down at the bottom floor, making sure the coast was clear. From what she could see, the bottom floor was empty. She tip-toed down the remaining stairs and quietly made her way to the door. She ever so slowly turned the knob and opened the large door.

'Freedom! At last!' She thought in her head as she closed the door gently, putting her shoes on and rushing out of the yard, not bothering to close the gate on the way out.

She sighed, breathing in the cool air. The sun was already beginning to set, being fall and all, and it was growing colder and colder as the seconds ticked by slowly. She scratched her neck and closed her eyes, cracking her neck by moving it left and right.

Walking in silence, she soon made it to the home she had already been to twice before today, hopping onto the porch and rasping her cold, pale knuckles on the white door. She waited for a moment, hearing some shuffling behind the door.

Soon, it was opened, and standing in front of her was a tall man with glasses and salt and pepper hair. He was a solid 20 centimeters taller than Monika, and he was rather well built. Not a muscle head, but for someone who was an accountant he was buff. "Ah, you must be Monika? Sayori has spoken about you quite positively," She smiled, and Monika bowed.

"Thank you for allowing me into your home, Mr. Takahashi," She said and stood up, taking her shoes off and putting them next to the three pairs that were already near the door.

Sayori's father moved out of the doorway and allowed Monika to enter, which she happily did as her fingers were about to freeze off. She stepped into the warm home, Sayori's father closing the door behind them. "Please, make yourself at home. Sayori is up in her room, I'll go get he-"

"MONIKA! YOU'RE HERE!" Sayori exclaimed, cutting off her father and rushing down the stairs, rushing at the taller girl and jumping on her, wrapping her arms around her shoulders, her legs in the air forcing Monika to hold her up by her hips.

"Woah! Yes, I'm here Sayori," She giggled and let the girl down to her feet. "Dummy... You could have knocked me over, what were you thinking?" She asked sweetly, ruffling her already messy hair.

"I'm sorry, Monika. I just missed you so much!" Sayori clapped her hands together, a huge smile plastered on her face. A smile that made Monika's chest feel so warm.

"You saw me literally two hours ago... Silly girl," She shook her head, and sat down. She looked around the living room, her eyes scanning the small room. It was nice, and cozy. Much smaller than her own, but it had a lot more charm to it. And it smelled like Sayori...

She noticed that her dad had seemingly disappeared, which kinda creeped Monika out that such a large human can sneak out of a room without making a sound. "So!" Sayori said, plopping herself down next to her, "Like I thought, mommy is going to make food for you too. She is in the kitchen making food right now. Daddy is probably helping her," She hummed, patting her thighs with her hands and swaying side to side.

"A homecooked meal...?" She almost laughed at the thought. "I can't remember the last time my mother made food, let alone my father. We either get something from a store, or someone cooks it for us when we have a chef in. It's good food, but it isn't homecooked food with that special charm..." She sighed, her shoulders slumping. She can't seem to get off the topic of her parents, huh?

"Oh, yeah... You did mention that they weren't home a lot. Must suck... I'm sorry Monika," Sayori patted her back, and Monika glanced at her from the side, and scoffed.

"At this point," She whispered, "I don't think I would give a damn if they left and never came back," She seethed under her breath, as to make sure her voice didn't carry to the kitchen.

"Monika!" Sayori whisper-yelled, "Don't say things like that!" She frowned, "You only get one set of parents you know..." She looked away. "Not everyone has them anymore..." She trailed off, and Monika raised her eyebrow. That was weird, Sayori never got like that before. Sure, she got serious before, but Monika couldn't remember a time when she was so somber and defensive.

"Er... Yeah, you're right. Sorry, I shouldn't say things like that, I'm sorry," She put her hands on top of her head and closed her eyes.

Sayori just sat there quietly, rubbing her feet together idly as a blanket of silence covered the room.

"So... What's your mother making?" Monika asked, getting a little uncomfortable with how quiet the room had gotten.

"Oh uh... Miso... It's her favorite, and mine too if I am being honest. I had it a lot growing up, and I know that people always say that if you eat something a bunch of times, you end up hating it and whatever. I've always loved Miso, and I don't think I would dislike it if I eat it a billion times!" She smiled, which lightened the mood in the room.

"Oh that's yummy! And I agree, Miso is amazing. But maybe I would get slightly sick of it after a billion servings..." Monika laughed, which got her a poke in the side.

Sayori rolled her eyes, "Your loss," She sighed and leaned back on the couch, the room reverting back to it's original silence. Monika wasn't happy with it, but it felt like a more comfortable silence than it was earlier.

Suddenly, she heard shifting to the next to her, and soon there after felt Sayori's head on her shoulder, looking forward, not daring to say a word. Monika felt her chest contract as her heartrate started to gradually go up.

Okay she just figured out she was gay a couple hours ago, cut her a break for not knowing what to do okay?

She just held her tongue, and let the coral haired girl lean on her, her soft breaths being the only sound audible in the small, silent room.

After a few moments, the door opened that lead to the kitchen and a black haired lady peaked out of it, "Dinner is ready on the table, girls," The woman who was presumably Sayori's mom said in a soft voice. She was about as tall as Monika, with brown eyes and slightly wrinkled skin. She seemed more account-like than her husband, that's for sure...

"Okay, thank you Ms. Takahashi," Monika nodded, and lightly shook Sayori's leg, "C'mon, let's go get some food, okay?" She said and Sayori looked up at her with tired eyes, but a bright smile despite them.

"Sounds like a plan Stan!" She exclaimed, getting off of her and standing up, stretching her arms. Monika soon followed suit, following the girl as she walked through the door to the kitchen. She looked around the kitchen as they passed, admiring how tidy it was despite it's smaller size. She wanted a house like this in the future, not one like she lived in now. Living in a big house sounds nice, until you're alone 90% of the time and it's cold and lonely...

The brunette followed her through another door which led to a dining room. The walls were a dark yellow, except for one which was white, which made Monika think that it was an extension, or just a really poor design choice.

In front of her, there was a circle table in the middle of the room, with a candle set in the middle and a lamp above it, the light set very dim. There were a few decorations around, with a cabinet with fine china being the staple of the room. Some of the set was missing, which guided her eyes to the bowls that sat on the table, which matched the set in the cabinet.

The table was covered with a crimson colored tablecloth, four chairs sat around it and four bowls sat in front of them, with a spoon next to them. Two of the bowls had wine glasses filled with wine, while the other two had wine glasses as well, but Monika could tell it was grape juice inside.

In all honesty, she was surprised. She didn't think people that weren't stuck up asshats ate like this. She was expecting something far less formal than a candle lit dinner with wine and fine china.

"Ah, please have a seat Monika darling," Sayori's mom said, gesturing to one of the seats. Monika nodded and sat down, Sayori following suite, sitting in the seat to the left of her.

She scrunched her nose up slightly, glancing at the wine glass that sat next to the bowl to the right of her, which was Sayori's father's. She didn't particularly enjoy the smell of wine, nor the taste. It wasn't retched, and depending on the type it was enjoyable. But... From the scent she could tell it was cheap wine, and she didn't want to imagine how it tasted.

The soup though, looked and smelled absolutely delicious. She hadn't had Miso in a long time, and the last time she had it homemade? She couldn't remember. She picked up her spoon, but noticed that everyone at the table had their heads down, their eyes closed.

Monika cocked her head to the side, and raised a brow, being confused for a moment before it clicked; they were praying.

Okay yeah now Monika was uncomfortable.

She put the spoon down gently and lowered her head glancing side to side, waiting for someone to say something to break the silence. It may have been nice for them, but the silence was extremely awkward for her. She had never done this before, not to mention with a group of people...

"... And in the name of the son, the father, and the holy spirit..." Sayori's father suddenly said in a quiet voice, making Monika jump a little.

"Amen." Sayori and her mother said together, Monika trying her best to recover and say amen directly after them. Hoping they didn't notice that she didn't partake in any of what just happened, she picked up her spoon as Sayori did, her mother saying, "Let's enjoy the food now."

Now that one of the most awkward moments of her life passed, she proceeded to enjoy her food. Which... Was absolutely amazing. She was hoping she didn't look like a hog as she ate, quickly scooping it into her bowl and into her mouth as elegantly as she could. She stopped every few minutes to drink from her glass.

The family plus Monika ate in silence, the only sounds being the clicking of the metal spoon against the fine glass. She couldn't help but look around at everyone while they ate. Sayori was acting surprisingly... Well, she was eating like a human and not a vacuum cleaner. As she looked away, she couldn't help but notice that they always held their glasses wrong. Instead of by the base of the neck, they held the bottom of the cup or the top of the neck. She figured if they ate like this all the time, they would know that.

Or maybe her parents pretentiousness is rubbing off on her, and she is looking too deep into small errors like they are cardinal sins. She hated herself so much...

Soon, they all finished their meals and their drinks, and Monika stood up along with Sayori. "Don't you girls worry about the dishes, we'll handle them. You go up to Sayori's room and get your work done, okay?" Sayori's mom said kindly receiving a nod and a smile from the brunette.

"Thank you, Ms. Takahashi. The meal was delightful and your hospitality even more so, I am in your debt," Monika said politely, bowing. She followed Sayori out of the dining room, and followed her up the stairs to a door with a paper taped to it that said "Smile! Today is another day!" in hardly legible purple crayon.

Monika thought it was cute, and she giggled a bit as Sayori opened the door, "Hey, what's so funny?" Sayori pouted, and Monika playfully poked her side.

"You~" She said and slipped past her into her room. She looked around, and sighed. The floor was a mess of dirty clothes and stuffed animals that fell from the pile next to her unmade bed which was next to her nightstand with three half filled bottles of water.

"S-Sorry about the mess... I didn't think anyone was going to see it, you know?" She laughed sheepishly, turning her head away, her cheeks tinted red.

"Ah, don't worry about it. It just screams you, you know?" She teased, sitting on her bed.

"H-Hey! That's not very nice..." She sat down next to her, and Monika ruffled her already messy hair.

"It is though, because even though this room is messy, it has a charm and a feeling of warmth that you can't get anywhere else! So, just like you!" She smiled, which got an even brighter blush from the red head.

"T-That's... You're... Natsuki's right, you are a dummy..." Sayori said in a quiet voice, a smile on her face.

"Using Natsuki as inspiration now, are we? That's an all-time new low for you, don't you start going around all moody all the time. I'll have to knock some sense into you!"

"Uh-huh, sure. And how are you going to do that? You wouldn't hurt a fly!" Sayori shot back, sticking her tongue out at her.

"Your funeral," She said and quickly grabbed a small white teddy bear and proceeded to lightly hit her on the head with it.

"H-Hey! Stop using Mr. Snickles as a weapon!" She covered her head with her arms. "I'll save you from the evil witch Mr. Snickles!" Sayori exclaimed, moving away from Monika and grabbing her arm with both of hers, pulling on her arm.

"S-Sayori, if you keep pulling we are going t-" She was cut off as she felt herself get tugged off of the bed, falling onto her back. And a split second later, a small red head fell on top of her, her butt landing on Monika's stomach. "Fall..."

"Monika! Are you okay?" Sayori looked down, but Monika was just smiling like a fool. She poked her back and shook her head.

"Tsk tsk, you are such a goober Yo-Yo... But a brave one, you seemed to have freed Mr. Snickles from my grasps," She said and pointed to the white bear which laid on a red tank-top.

"Yay! Justice for Mr. Snickles!" She giggled and got off of Monika, helping her back up to her bed. "Hehe... That was fun, but you should really get started on that homework before it gets late, you know?"

Monika blinked for a moment, before remembering that the excuse she made to come here was because she needed a place to work... Yeah she had no willpower to do anything besides play with and talk to Sayori. That, or crying/sleeping.

"Can I be honest for a sec?" She said, her face a little red from the fall she just had, "You know how I said I needed a place to do homework? Yeah, that was a lie... I just um... Wanted to come see you, y'know?" She said quietly. Okay, that wasn't a total lie, she did want to see her regardless of her parents being jerks.

Although she didn't like the weird feelings in her stomach she's had the whole time she has been here.

"Monika..." She glared at her and shook her head, "... You should have told me that, I would have liked to know that I was lying to my parents..." She looked to the side. "... But... I guess I should confess something too..."

Monika raised a brow. What in the world did she have to confess to? It's not like she's said much of anything since she got there...

"My um... Parents know who your dad is, and they know that you have a lot of money and stuff... So um... When I told them your name, they got all nervous and they made sure to set up the table really nice and stuff... You know, that was the first time my mother used that china since her mother died? They really wanted to impress you. I think they are hoping that you'd say something nice about them and your dad would help them get their own accounting firm they've dreamed of... I'm sorry Monika..." She said quietly, and Monika sighed.

Even when she runs away from them, her parents shadow always loomed over her. "... Don't worry about it. Everyone does that. Your parents are in a long line of people who are just waiting to impress my father. Too bad for them my dad doesn't have a soul, and doesn't care for anyone but his family name," She rolled her eyes, and laid back on the bed.

"I'm still sorry Monika..." She laid next to her, and Monika smiled. She leaned closer and stuck her tongue out, lightly licking the tip of her nose.

Sayori blinked twice, confused and trying to process what happened in her head. She quickly turned red and she looked away, "You're so gross..." She mumbled, and Monika couldn't help but laugh.

"What can I say? You have a very lickable nose," She poked her back a few times, laying behind her, softly humming.

"Hey... Monika um... I noticed at dinner that... Well... I noticed you weren't exactly comfortable with praying and... I'm sorry, we shouldn't have put you in that position..." She apologized quietly.

Damn it, so they did notice. "I-I um... It's fine, Sayori. My parents never taught me any sort of religion. My grandparents were Shintoist, but my parents didn't seem to care to teach me anything about it. So, I've grown rather cynical to it... And well, I've never seen Christian-style praying before, so I was kinda freaked out to be honest." She sighed, "I don't really know if I believe in a god Sayori..."

Sayori turned over, and shrugged, "You know, I don't think I do either. No, wait, I do believe there is a god. I just... Think that he gave up on us a long time ago." Monika frowned, and put a hand on Sayori's side.

"Are you okay? You've been really quiet and somber ever since I've been here... And that... Doesn't sound like something you would say... At all..." Monika asked, concerned as she stared into the sea blue eyes that were a mere centimeters away.

"Oh uh... It's nothing, don't worry about it. I just... Was really happy all day today, guess it drained out all my happy juice!" She exclaimed half-heartedly, making Monika even more concerned than before.

"Alright..." She said warily, eyeing her for a moment. "Then maybe we should get to bed? I know it's only 8:30 but I woke up super early today and I am pretty tired..." She laughed slightly.

Sayori nodded, "Yeah, I'm pretty tired too..." She hopped up off the bed and went to her closet, picking a pair of pajamas. "Oh, will you need something? I have a kimono, but it may be a little small... But it would probably be more comfortable than jeans..."

Monika was so distressed she completely missed packing anything to sleep in. Or a pillow and blanket for that matter. Hopefully they had something she could use... "Oh, yes, please and thank you!" She stood up, and cracked her back.

Sayori dug through her closet more and pulled out a white kimono, and tossed it over to Monika. "Okay, I'll be in the bathroom. I need to brush my teeth, so I'll just get dressed in here. Don't burn my room down while I'm gone!" She skipped out of the room, leaving the door cracked open.

Monika sighed, and unbuttoned her jeans. Today... Has mostly sucked. But, all the time she got to spend with Sayori today, walking her to school... Hanging out with her at the club... Walking her home... Eating dinner and staying the night at her home... It was all too much for the poor brunette. She was still so confused about her feelings, but every single part of her wanted nothing more than to make this girl happy and feel loved.

And she didn't mind that want.

She got dressed and folded her clothes, putting them on Sayori's desk next to her computer. She looked around the room, wondering what she should do while Sayori was in the bathroom.

She could just sit down on her bed and wait patiently...

Or she could sift through other peoples belongings.

She thought for a moment...

Sift through other peoples belongings it is.

The brunette decided the closet would be a good place, and she looked through the clothes that were hanged up. They were all... Really Sayori. They were mostly one size too big, and had weird but cute little designs on them of trees or vines.

She looked down at the bottom, noticing a few boxes lying on the ground, she curiously crouched down and opened one up, taking a look inside. There wasn't much stuff that was interesting, a few children's books, baby and toddler clothes, small shoes, some toys... It made Monika smile like a buffoon, imagining a tiny Sayori wearing these cute little clothes...

Gods she was gay.

She closed the box and was about to stand up, but she noticed a few of the baby clothes were in a pile behind the box. She just figured that they fell out awhile back, and that Sayori was too lazy to put them back into the box. "I have a crush on the laziest person on the planet, don't I?" She grumbled to herself, picking the clothes up with the intention of moving them to the box.

But to the box, they never went.

Instead, they fell to the floor as Monika stared at what once laid hidden beneath the small articles of clothing.

A brown, tattered rope sat there, tied neatly into a hangman's knot.

It was a noose.

Sayori had a noose in her closet.

Monika was beyond shocked. Her eyes were wide, and her mouth slightly parted as she looked at the knot that had killed so many people before. She leaned down, and picked it up with shaky hands.

It was tied tight, and Monika gulped. It may have been the hysteria in her mind, but it looked like it would fit right on Sayori's small neck...

She wanted to vomit, she wanted throw this evil thing away and pretend she had never seen it.

She was so entranced by the rope, she didn't hear the door open.

"Okay Monika! I'm re-" Sayori stopped in her tracks as she saw the emerald eyed beauty standing there with the noose she had hidden in her closet.

A sad smile reached her lips, and she sighed, "Well... I guess I need to learn to hide things better..." She said, her tone dark as they both stared at the crude knot in silence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! I hope you enjoyed! This chapter was a little crappy in my opinion, but that is for you to decide. Please, leave a comment with any thoughts or suggestions! Have a lovely evening, and happy holidays.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! It's a little late, but you know, who needs sleep when you're 17 and on the last few days of Christmas Break? Thank you for making it this far in the story! I hope you enjoy. (TW: Mentions of Suicide, Drug abuse, Depression.)

"Sayori... I..." Monika wasn't able to choke out the words that were stuck in her throat, she just stood there, staring at Sayori, the rough rope in her hands digging into her skin as she clenched it tightly, hoping that maybe it would disappear if she just held it hard enough.

Sayori didn't say anything, she just walked into the room, and closed the door behind her, walking past Monika and sitting on her bed, staring at the ground the entire time.

After a minute of awkward, heavy silence, Monika sat next to her. "I... I um... So..." She didn't know what to say. What ARE you supposed to say when you find a fucking noose in your best friends closet? That isn't something she was prepared for, at all. She didn't even... She never even expected to ever have to comfort her because she was upset, she just thought this girl was forever happy...

She had just figured out how ignorant that was.

"I'm... I'm sorry Monika. I was an idiot and didn't hide it good enough and now you're uncomfy..." Sayori said quietly, laughing awkwardly.

Monika just stared in confusion, how could she be apologizing right now? And of all things... She is apologizing for making her uncomfortable? "Sayori..." She dropped the rope, and sat down next to her. She quickly wrapped her arms around her.

And Monika found herself crying on her shoulder as she held her, her eyes shedding more tears in the past three hours than they have in the past three years.

"Monika... Why are you crying?" Sayori asked, confused. She patted her head, smiling despite the circumstance. "Don't be so silly, Moni... There is nothing to cry abo-"

"Shut... Shut up... I know... I know I shouldn't be crying... But... I don't know... What do I say, Sayori? How am I supposed to react? It's not like I was prepared for this!" She held tighter, seemingly believing that the coral haired girl would disappear if she didn't hold on as tight as possible.

"I... I already said I'm sorry Monika..."

"For what? What do you have to be sorry for? It's not like... Sayori please don't tell me... That you were planning..." She couldn't finish her sentence, she was afraid of speaking into existence.

Sayori looked at Monika for a moment, and her smile seemed even more forced than before, "Um... Well, depends," She sighed, patting Monika's back. "Sometimes, I do think about using it. I've had days where... Where... Well, you know. But I've never hung it up, so that's good right? But uh... Most days I don't want to. So no need to worry!"

Monika raised an eyebrow, sniffling and pulling away, "That was very confusing..." Monika said, wiping her nose with her sleeve, "Can you... Perhaps explain that better?" Monika wasn't in the right head space to decipher anything that wasn't direct and simple.

"Oh well um..." Sayori dropped her smile, and her face just... Fell. For the first time, Monika saw a tear slip down her face. Sayori quickly wiped it away and hide her face. "I... Monika..." Now Sayori started crying too. She fell back into Monika's chest and began letting her tears fall, staining the Kimono Monika wore.

Monika's tears had started to cease, as now she realized that she shouldn't be the one breaking down, that she needed to be strong and to act like an adult, and let Sayori be the one to cry and be hurt, because this wasn't about Monika. No, not at all.

"Shhh... It's okay," Monika purred, running her fingers through the silky coral hair of her crush. "It's okay, I'm here for you... I'm always here for you," She whispered, nuzzling her head.

"D-Do... Do you mean that...? Do you really mean that? Or is... Is it just a lie? Is it just a lie to make me feel better?" Sayori picked her head up, her tear filled, ocean blue eyes connecting with Monika's emerald green gems.

"Sayori... Of course I mean that... I want you with me as long as I can have you... You are my best friend, and that is no lie. You make me feel so happy. Leaving you and letting you be sad would hurt me so much..." She whispered, pressing her forehead against Sayori's.

"I... I want to believe you... I do... But I'm scared Monika... I'm scared because if you leave I don't know if the little bit of will I have will be here anymore..." She whimpered, unable to control her sobs.

Monika frowned, and furrowed her brow. "Don't say stupid things like that, you don't need to rely on me for happiness... That is just as bad as not having anything at all. Not that you need to worry, but even if I somehow left your life? You have Yuri, and Natsuki. They are your friends, remember? And I know it may be hard to think, but they care about you too. So many people love you, so don't say silly things like that..." She scolded lightly, receiving a small nod from Sayori.

She didn't know if that was the right thing to say, but she didn't know much about saying the right thing at the right time. She did know, though, that she couldn't let Sayori build some sort of emotional reliance on her, she knew that was unhealthy.

"Yo-Yo... How about," She pushed her away slightly, "You talk to me about why I found that in your closet, okay? And help me understand why you feel this way. Talking helps, and I want to help you by letting you help yourself." She patted her cheek.

Sayori sniffled, "Okay..." She backed off, and curled her knees to her chest, "I um... I well... I guess to say it bluntly, I've had severe depression for... A lot of my life. And I guess the point when it started was when my parents... Well... Those people you met earlier? They are my adoptive parents. So, that is why they look so different than me..." Monika's eyes widened at the new information that was told to her.

Did she not notice that they looked nothing alike? Or did it just go completely over her head?

Wait... If she was adopted...

"Anyways... It all started when my parents left me. My mother had issues with drug abuse after father lost his job, and what little money we had was spent on feeding into her and eventually my fathers addictions. So, when I was 9 my biological parents thought it would be better for me, or rather, them if I was out of the picture. They didn't have use for a child who they had to support through school and feed..." Sayori had stopped crying, and her eyes just seemed... Empty. Everything about her was... Eerie, and so so out of character for her. It scared Monika, it scared her so much.

"So I went into foster care for a couple years, went through a few homes... Then Mr. and Mrs. Takahashi took me in... And even though I had found a nice family... I had found people who... Wanted to give me... Affection and love... I couldn't... I didn't feel happy. At all. What was going to stop them from leaving me like my biological parents did? What stops them from just... Giving up on me...?"

Monika blinked, and she nodded. Her mind was processing everything in her mind, trying not to break down again like a child. She needed to be strong, she needed to be strong for her.

Although, it's hard not to be utterly shocked learning about all of this. Learning that all this pain and suffering was going on under the surface of someone she viewed as happy as they come, blissfully so. She never saw her cry, she never saw her sad. And she saw all of it, tenfold right in front of her. It was so hard for her to comprehend, and she didn't have time to. She was feeling her heartbeat increase, her palms sweaty. What if she said something that spurred on her depression? What if she said or did something that made everything worse?

She was scared, and she didn't know what to do.

"So... Eventually... I just started faking it. Faking being happy. Like you always say, right? Fake it till you make it... I just... Wanted to make everyone else happy.. And well, that in turn made me feel... Well, it made me feel like I wasn't worthless. It made me feel... Something! You know? And I kept doing it, I just wanted to make everyone happy. I just wanted to make everyone smile, so I smiled. So I acted silly and did stuff so I would make people laugh... Even if it was at my expense, I didn't care. I just wanted everyone to be happy. But... Every day... I came home... And I had nothing to smile about anymore...

"But then I joined the literature club. And I met Yuri, and Natsuki... And of course, you... And I.. I had friends... People that... Liked me more than just what I did. They liked... Me. You like... Me. Not the goofy persona, but me... And I... It made me so happy... I smiled so much, even at home I smiled. But... Soon even that faded, and my mind was plagued with the thoughts that... In reality, you all hated me and just pitied me. I felt conflicted, you know? And I didn't know what to do. And... That's when I made the noose. I didn't plan on using it, I just... I made it just in case. Just in case... Something happened and I lost everything, I wouldn't have to feel that pain... That pain I felt all those years ago... Again..."

Monika took that as the last of Sayori's rant, and she nodded. "Sayori," She grabbed her hand, and put it on her chest, right on her heart. "Do you feel that? That slow, soft melody? It's my heartbeat. It's my heart, and it beats for you. It beats because I have friends like you. It beats because I have YOU as a friend... You make a difference on my life. You make me happy, so happy. And not because you act silly, not because you make me laugh... But because you are a genuine, sweet, and caring person who selflessly sacrifices herself for the sake of others. Your biological parents, sorry to say it, can go piss off and keel over in a ditch for all I care. You are better than them, your adoptive parents are better than them. Your friends are better than them. Don't put us in the same category as those... Those bastards. We aren't going to leave you, we aren't going to abandon you. You mean too much to each and every one of us. Got it?"

Monika squeezed Sayori's hand harder, her eyes edging with tears. "Don't do something stupid... And take you away from us. I can't... I can't imagine life without you Sayori. No, I can actually. It'll just be back to my pathetic, sad life filled with fake friends and loneliness. You, Sayori, you made me a better person. You've helped me open up to people and trust them, so please," She pulled her into another hug, "Don't be a silly girl and do something silly..."

Sayori's arms laid at her side, trying herself to take in all of what Monika had just said.

It was silent, the room quiet and filled with a mix of dread and fear of what was next.

"Let go, Monika," Sayori said in a blunt tone.

"Sayori wh-"

"I said let me go. Please." She said it, this time in a softer tone.

Monika obliged, albeit unwillingly. As she let her go, she got off of her bed and bent down, picking up the crude knot in her soft, silky hands.

Monika watched as she slowly unwound the rope, the rugged material falling as it became less and less tight. Soon, she untied it completely, smiling as she stretched out the rope. "See? No need to worry about it anymore! It is gone," She went to her window, opened it, and tossed it outside. "Now someone else can use it! Maybe for something like teaching a kid to tie their shoes!" She giggled, and Monika shook her head. This is the only girl on the planet that can go from having that conversation to giggling and smiling.

"Hey, Moni?" Sayori, looked away, her face tinting red. "You know... Earlier you said something about I shouldn't get too emotionally attached to you?" Sayori bit the inside of her cheek, leaving Monika confused.

"Uh... Yeah, I only said it all of five minutes ago. And I kinda meant it..." She looked at her, her eyes studying the coral haired girl with suspicion. "What does that have to do with anything?"

Sayori stepped forward again, smirking. "Well... Because I don't want you to be mad," She said quietly, getting in front of the brunette. "When I do something silly... Like this..." She leaned down, and pressed her soft lips against Monika's.

Monika's green eyes shot open, her body jolting in response to the tenderness of Sayori's lips pressing against her own. How... She had just figured out she liked girls barely four hours ago, how had she managed to be kissing one already? Life has a weird sense of humor.

Sayori began to pull away.

'Nope get back here, I'm not finishing my first kiss that quick' She thought in her mind as she pulled her back in, this time kissing back as her eyes closed, catching the coral haired girl presumably off guard.

She kissed her, for just a few more seconds before letting her go this time. Sayori looked even more confused than Monika was, and Sayori was the one who initiated the kiss.

"Hehe~ Bet you didn't expect me to kiss you back, did ya?" She brought her close and nuzzled her, pulling her into a hug.

"No... No I didn't..." She responded quietly, rubbing Monika's back. "Why... Why did you kiss back?" She asked, puzzled.

"Why did you kiss me in the first place?" Monika countered, which made Sayori roll her eyes.

"Because I like you... More than... More than a friend... I guess... No... I know," Sayori said, and sighed, "I know, that was a dumb question. I guess I'm still having issues thinking people actually... Like me..." Sayori responded sourly.

Monika's face turned even more red, and her heart burst in her chest. But, that response was bittersweet. It was what she wanted to hear, yet at the same time it was something she didn't. "Dummy... I do like you. A lot."

Sayori looked at Monika, her eyes shimmering in the moonlight that peaked through the window, "Do you promise, Monika? Do you promise that you mean that?"

Monika reached to the lamp to turn it off, and nodded. "Of course, I promise. I promise it to you, Sayori."

And that was all she needed to hear, before the coral haired girl finally crawled into bed, and Monika followed. Sayori quickly migrated into Monika's arms, and Monika wrapped her arms around her, smiling.

"Night, Yo-Yo."

"Goodnight... Moni..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! I really hope you enjoyed, I know this was pretty heavy, and was probably not written the best. But, I tried and that's all that matters. It's also rather short, but I think that if I stuffed more words into this, it would have been trashy. So, I hope that it made you feel everything I was trying to make you feel. Also, thank you all so much for the sweet comments, you all really make me so happy! Anyways, as per usual, leave a comment with any praises, critiques, or whatever you want. Or don't! Anyways, have a lovely day/night. And thank you for reading Chapter 8 of Deserving.

**Author's Note:**

> //Hi guys! What did ya think? I tried to put in a lot of effort for you guys, because it's not like I have an excuse to put out poor writing LOL I really hope those of you who read my story enjoyed it, and I am thankful that you guys even made it this far. Please leave a comment with any critiques you may have! The next chapter should be out within the week! Till then, have a nice day/night and may luck be on your side!


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